January.

1st month of the year, concluding. This year has definitely started on the right track. My weight loss journey has definitely been interesting. It's had it's ups and downs, but definitely more ups than downs. The job hunt started to pick up, and I have an interview this Thursday on 4100 and also something brewing in Victorville.

The Lord has been good, and things are starting to fall into place. I believe that 2011 is going to be a big year. But all big things come w/ lots of hard work, sacrifice and determination. I am determined to make 2011 a year that I make many changes. Changes in all aspects of my life. Towards my health, find a job, and most importantly to spread love. The Love that God wants us to give to the world, so that they may experience Him always.

January is the beginning of something great. I look forward to February and the things it has in store for me. I pray today that God leads me through all the goods and the bads of this next month. I know I have hit some road blocks, but there is nothing that I cannot do w/ Him on my side. He is the dependable being that I can always turn to, when everything in this world fails in some way or another. I am blessed to always have a God who cares and one who listens to me, when sometimes I am too stubborn to listen. I will promise to keep God the center of my life no matter what life throws me, He's gotten me through so many trials in my life, and I am grateful for each and every one he has gotten me through. 

11 more months of this year, and I'm only going to see the light more. This is my journey w/ God and I wouldn't want to share it w/ anyone else but You Lord. :)

Anxious.

That's all.

Living in the now.

I came across a blog today on "how to lose weight". It's crazy how much losing weight has to do with our lives. I mean, some people don't even have to worry, but most people do. This girl said something along the lines of:

"Forget your past, the past is the past. Live in the now. You can't change that you ate 3 slices of cake or that pizza you ate, but you can change what's happening today and right now."   

I am guilty of indulging a little too much this weekend. Gluttony was definitely present, and I feel disgusting. I haven't consumed so much junk since I started this journey, and I hope that never happens again. Sure it was my best friends birthday, and we were celebrating, but it didn't have to continue all weekend.

But the past is the past, and the present is now and it is what you can control. Food is love, which is why when friends get together we indulge ourselves, gluttonize together. But food can also kill and make life a living hell. Pack on those pounds, add disease onto our lives and be happy no more. I can't go back and change yesterday, but I can definitely control today. This is a brand new day, a brand new week, and the choices I make now can be "healthy" and the "right" ones.

One weekend won't kill me, but put a few of them together and I'm back at square one. Time to take control of what I need to control. I can do this, and I will do this.

Basketball.

So, I played basketball for the first time today in FOREVER. Full court 5 on 5. Last time I did this, maybe 2 years ago, I almost passed out cause I was so out of shape. Today..2 games and a busted lip later. I can officially say, I finally played. 

It's hard to be careful, when every time I use to play I went all out. Like Ron Artest. haha. BUT, I think this might be the last time for awhile, I gotta take it easy on my head. No more busted lips. :)

I want one of these.

I NEVER WANT TO GET THIS FAT EVER AGAIN.

I didn't realize how fat I had truly gotten. How much I let myself go. I'm still disappointed in myself for allowing myself to make those decisions and make every excuse possible. I put the blame on everything else, but me. At 230+ lbs, I hid from everyone, I was ashamed of how I looked and it prevented me from being happy. Food eventually was what I turned to in order to get that happiness, but that only added guilt and even more problems with my weight. 

I never want to be the center of peoples conversations on, "have you seen how fat Russy got?" I never want to hide behind someone while taking a picture just to cover up how much I had let myself go.  I never want to be out of breath just walking up a flight up stairs, I'm only 25 for goodness sake.  I never want to feel like how I felt when I was younger, and how, when I go to the store people would stare at me because of how fat I was. I never want my family to worry about my health and to be afraid of how fat I can get or that I may eventually have a long term chronic illness that will take my life. I never want to let people down again. I never want to be the example of "what not to be". I never want to ever say or keep saying "Remember when I was...fit, skinny, healthy", that can be NOW and always. 

I spent the past 2 years being "the fat guy". It's time to change that.

Getting there.

The Six W's:   

Work Will Win, When Wishing Won't.

- Todd Blackledge

Keep fighting..No stopping till the bell rings.

Take it down!

I have to keep telling myself:

"You're inching closer and closer, take every day down like it's the last. Don't rest, because while you're resting, someone else is working harder trying to take your spot. Trust in your abilities, because you're the last line of motivation. Take things one step at a time and focus on the details. You've done it before, and you can do anything you set your mind too. Be prepared for challenges, but during each obstacle remind yourself that you're stronger than anything that gets thrown at you. And when life throws you a bunch of lemons, take a bite, spit it out and remind that lemon that nothing will ever stop you." 

Disappointment.

As hard as I worked, it's easy to just lay low for awhile and just get complacent. It's natural human instincts to rest and be lazy. the past 5-6 days, I've been what I never wanted to be. Although I haven't reverted back to the "old ways", I've been taking in way too many calories and haven't mustered the energy to go to the gym. 

For that, I am DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF!

To come as far as I had come, and to only throw some of it away (even if it was only a 1.5 weight gain). The journey is never complete, and this should be my lifestyle and not some phase. I'm determined to prove that I can sustain this for longer than a couple months. I owe it to myself and for the people who have brought me through this. 

This journey will have it's rough patches and bumps along the road, but it's up to me, and only me to stop it. Today I commit myself again 110% to doing what I did before. I keep believing and keep doing what has worked thus far. Expect the world out of yourself, because nothing is impossible in life if you have self determination and God on your side. 

Let's go!

Let's get the determination back on track.

"The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a mans determination"
 

-Tommy Lasorda

Kinda wish I looked like this!

Fingers crossed & Prayers sent up.

*Sigh*

It's been over 6 months since I've graduated, almost 4 since I've passed my boards, and I've been hoping and praying for (at least) the chance to get an interview for a job. I've spent the past 3 months filling out application after application,  and have gotten the same response. Either none at all, or "sorry you are not qualified and have found someone deemed more qualified". 

I finally got the call today for my first interview. The Lord is truly good, even though I do not have the job, I think it's such a blessing to have the opportunity to show the unit that I can be a fit for the job and that I want to help people. 

Whatever the Lords plan is, whether or not I get the job, I will be thankful that the Lord has opened a door and given me the opportunity. This is the first step out of many, and I know that He has a plan for me, and it's on HIS time and not mine that it's going to happen, because everything happens for a reason. 

My prayer today is:
Dear Father, 

Thank you. Thank you for always being there.
Whatever your plan is, I will follow and I will never doubt that You have the perfect plan and situation for me. 

Forgive me Lord for the sins that I've committed to you and for all the times I've forsaken you, You've never left my side.
Be with me now Lord as I prepare for this interview, may you be there for the second I get in to the second I am out, and throughout the process of hiring.
Be with me today Lord, I love You always.

Leaving your legacy.

I've always wondered what kind of impression am I leaving in this world? Do people view me as someone who is positive, negative or neutral (they don't seem to even care). I've always set out to make a difference, to make people laugh, to be the kind of friend they can turn to with anything and everything. I know to some, I've been that. To others, somewhere along the way, I've failed. 

We're placed on this earth for specific reasons. Reasons that only God knows. In most cases people find their niche, and keep at it. Others struggle, and have that "I'm trying to discover myself" type of mentality, and never find what they're looking for. We reinvent ourselves numerous times in life, and I believe that is an important part of life. Some experiences draw us towards people and others away, but at the end of the day, we have left a certain imprint on others that is undeniably prominent and un-eraseable.

I want to be the type of person people remember to be the "good guy", one who always cared and loved. A person who gave their hardest effort at everything he did, and never gave up even if he knew he was going to fail. A giving person, even when he has nothing to give. An honest and dedicated person who is willing to stand up for everything he believed in. A man who continues to be humble, that never forgets where he's from. The type of individual who you could rely on, even if it meant sacrificing something of his own. A person who believes that blood is thicker than water, but that those who are not part of your own, are just as important and if they need help, always lend a helping hand. A man who loves Jesus and continues to show others that He exists and that He is the ultimate definition of LOVE and FRIENDSHIP. 

I know I have a lot to work on to become this type of person, but that's the beauty of life, we are always working. Always having the chances, but it's important to take those opportunities and chances while we can. I'm blessed to have been raised in a home that preaches each and every one of those attributes, and I hope to one day be content in saying that "I've tried my best to be all those, and more". I hope that the Lord gives me the opportunities (which He always has) to be a shining light, in a world that is dark and corrupted. It's up to me on how I want to leave my legacy. 

Am I up for it? Am I ready? Time will only tell, but for now, all I can do is try. Try to be the difference among many. Try to leave an imprint on this world that He can be proud of.

Impossible is Nothing.

Picture says it all.

From now on, I'll have no more excuses. 

Jack LaLanne

"People always say, remember the Good Ole' Days? Forget the good ole' days, the good ole' days are right now!" 

"Anything in life is possible, make it happen" 

- Jack LaLanne

Rest in Peace Jack, you're a true inspiration of health and fitness and being a positive influence to many. Your Legacy lives on!

Hold on & Inspire.

To succeed, you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you.

-Tony Dorsett

New week. This will be MY game face. Ready for battle.

Weekend bliss.

This weekend was a much needed break from all the grinding of the last two months. Many cheats (too many), but I ain't stressin'. We just gonna get back to work.

Got to spend time w/ my beautiful lady, and wonderful friends. I truly can't be more thankful and blessed that I have what I have. Too many days I complain and stress out about the things that I can't change. Well...this week will be a week I get back to work, get positive and hope for the best. The Lord knows what's up and He is the only one who can control things. All I need to do is trust, believe and do my part. I'm ready to tackle this week. 

And like I said on my facebook "Time to get back on the grind. A couple road bump don't mean this train is stoppin'! We doin' it, till we do no more! Let's go! Do work! Stay motivated! Chin up, Chest out and ready to rumble! WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAT!!!! :)" 

Yup, we do it big around here.
Stay blessed. 

Russy

I wish I was this young again!

Chin up, Chest out and Eyes on Jesus.

I've been feeling down lately. Stressed and anxious. Embarrassed and frustrated. I absolutely hate being unemployed. Hearing and seeing all my friends talk about their jobs, kills me. I know the time will pass and sooner or later I will also be employed, but it feels like forever.  I'm going a friends engagement party this weekend, and among those that will be in attendance are some of my most motivated and high achieving nursing classmates (who all have jobs). I know the conversation will come up and I have to say that "I'm still unemployed and looking".

I hate that I have to say that. My parents and everyone around me, keep telling me that don't worry it'll come. But I'm a person that worries. I'm a person that works hard for things, but usually ends up being last. School was hard enough to get by, getting a job might be just as hard or even harder. 

My life could definitely be worse. I need to be thankful for the things that I do have. Life and health. A family who never doubts me or gives up on me. And most importantly a God that never fails no matter how far we've drifted. Today was one of those days where I just wanted to SCREAM. I had my head down and felt sorry for myself. But i know it's at these times that God is telling me, keep your chin up, chest out and most importantly EYES ON ME. There is only so much that I can do to make my situation. I've talked to people, applied for almost everything, and inquired information...it's all in God's hands now and that's the most important thing. For me to trust Him. 

Thank you Lord for the weekend, give me the peace and serenity that I need.

Unemployed.

SUCKS.

No YOUTUBE videos.

The past couple years, I've worked hard at producing youtube videos of me singing songs I wrote, collaborations with close friends, covers of 90's songs, and all sorts of random stuff. I was really passionate about it and am still passionate about it.

Right now, I'm as motivated as ever to get healthy and lose weight. In order to do that I need to sacrifice something that I love, and if I want it back, I'll have to work hard at this to get it. Nothing in this world is handed to you without you putting your heart, soul and effort. It's going to be easy to lose my focus, and in order to prevent that from happening, I will take something I love and work for it all over again.

So for every pound I lose, I will put back a video that I've deleted OR record a new one, since I haven't done one in almost a year. I have 18 more pounds till goal #1 is met. 

Let's do this. 

Stay motivated, focused & determined. 

Train Like a Freak --- Blood Sweat & Tears. 

Don't stress over the things you can't control.

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
 

- John Wooden

Made to work.

In anything that I have had to accomplish or do in life, I've had to work. Work harder than everybody else that had to attain the same thing. Whether it was getting the grades I needed in school, performing with my music, and my weight loss and staying in shape. I've had to put in hours and hours and hours of hard work, forcing myself to stay disciplined. Sometimes it's frustrating, but it has definitely built a toughness in me that only those experiences would do. 

I'm not naturally gifted at almost anything, although I pick some things up quickly, I pride myself with the hard work and determination that I always put in anything that I do. I'll admit that I've put music aside because of that fact that I feel that there are just so many people better than me, that I think to myself, why do people want to hear me sing, when they can hear that person. Music is definitely something I'm passionate about, but when you're working so hard and having all this pressure put on you, but the results in the end are very sub-par, it just doesn't yield for me to put be put out there anymore. Maybe things will change, but right now, my focus is on getting healthy and the music will come again, I know it will. 

But I am made to work. Made to harness all my energy into the things I do. It's never fun to have to try a million times harder than those around you, but you have to accept it and just go from there. I know I'm going to have disappointing weeks on this weight loss journey, but it's not in my blood to quit, but to keep pushing hard and keep going. It's discouraging though, when you put in hours and hours of work and then you don't get the results you want. This is when you need to remain patient. There will be walls to hit, but none that are built strong enough so you can run through it. 

I will keep working and working until I get there. Make that known.

Keep pushing.

Win or Lose.

The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand. 

-Vince Lombardi

When you're against the ropes...

Don't just give up, FIGHT back!

Success.

Sweat plus sacrifice equals success.

-Charlie Finley

Quote of the day.

"You have so much to live for...but you're throwing it all away". - from the biggest loser 

All those times I neglected going to the gym, All those times I scarfed down junk food every day, All those times I made excuses about why I was fat...

I won't throw it away. This isn't just a "diet" that will last a short while, but a commitment to change my life. I have way too much to look forward to and to live for, and I'm going to live my life like I'm going to live and experience all those moments to live for and reach all my milestones and be the healthiest person I can be. 

Yup. My hero.

Stress Reliever.

Smaller Pants.

OMG, so one of my short term goals was to fit into these pants that my brother and Roxanne gave me for my birthday last year. When I got them, they misjudged my size (haha), and I couldn't even button up the top, today...I woke up and most of my pants are fitting a little too loose now, so w/ a little courage, I grabbed the pair of pants our of my closet that I've been hiding and labeling as "GOAL TO FIT INTO THESE PANTS", well...it sure did fit. All the hard work is slowly starting to pay off and all I have to do is keep going. One small step at a time means, one size at a time. It's going to be a lot of hard work and dedication, but I'm all for it now. This assures me that my work is going into something good. Great way to start off my day!

I need to find a place to do this!!!

Never Quit. Always give your best.

That is my mentality now. A month and a half into this journey, and I've made a totally 180. Yes, I still crave the foods I shouldn't be eating, but I crave feeling better about myself and getting healthy even more. Once my mind is checked in, it's all or nothing. I won't quit! I will give my best effort, every single time. There will be days where I'm going to have to listen to my body, but I crave the burn, I'm eager for tomorrow because I know it's one step closer. I am determined and I will do everything in my ability to focus and prove all those who lost faith in me wrong. Yup, this ship has turned and it's sailing all the way to the end.

I'm going to TRAIN LIKE a FREAK (TLF) and going to shed all the BLOOD, SWEAT and TEARS (BST) that I need to shed to reach my goals. Let's go!


Update: 
Journey started on December 4th, 2010 = 226.9lbs 
Currently on January 16th, 2011 = 197.5lbs
Total Loss of = 29.4lbs

My Rock.

Hope & Believe.

All I can really do is hope. I want that job so bad! There's really nothing I can do at this point but wait and see, but it's so frustrating not being employed after 3 tortuous years of nursing school. I came into this field because "there is ALWAYS a job out there". Not with this economy. I believe that God will make His plan known and I'm on my knees asking the Lord to please have an answer for me. With my parents struggling for finances at times, still giving me money at 25. I feel terrible. But what can I do? 

Today I had this sudden surge of stress and anxiety. *sigh* I know the Lord has a plan, and this is all a part of it. He knows when I am ready and when the time is right. The testing continues when we are faced with adversity, and this is a time when I have to be strong and really rely on my faith in Him that He will provide, and He always does. My prayer today is: 

Dear Lord, 

Thank you. Thank you for giving me life. Thank you for being the God that you are in my life, and for always finding a way to show me that you are omnipotent and omnipresent. You've always been by my side, even when I have been by yours 100% of the time. Today is a day where I feel down and out, not knowing what my future holds, but all I need to remember is that You are in control and all I need to do is trust, because in the end, You always know what is best for us. Forgive me Lord for all the short comings in my life and for not holding up my end of the bargain. You've never given up on me and the things I don't deserve, You still provide. I praise you Father today because I know that you are working, working in me and trying to make me a better person. Continue to work in and through me Lord so I can serve you to the best that I can. Be with me now Lord and thank You for reminding me that with you all is possible and that things will fall in place. I love you Lord. 

Amen.

Love this crew.

wow.

Summer of 2007 (150lbs) compared to the Summer of 2010 (230lbs)

I am ashamed. Ashamed that I have let myself go and get this big. Big enough to where people wouldn't even be able to recognize me from before. Before I use to be so careful. Careful of what I ate and drank, how much I exercised and how I looked. Looking in the mirror the past few years was a reminder what can happen in a short period of time. Time passed and I potentially took years off of my life, letting myself get this fat. Fat was what people probably said when I walked by them and talk about to all of their friends. Friends, where were you all when I hadn't exercised in months or began the constant shoving of unhealthy food into my mouth? my Mouth is where excuse after excuse was said, and where not being able to admit or talk about how big I had gotten or how bad it truly was. Was this going to be lifelong problem? Problems don't go away fast you know. Know(ledge) of what all this health is what I engraved in my brain before, but why I wasn't using it? It's amazing how I had gained almost 100 lbs in 3 years. Years that were slowly ticking away and making my life shorter. Shorter and far less enjoyable. Enjoying it is where I want to be. to BE here sitting, typing again in years, and enjoying every second of life. a Life that is full of health and contentment. That is where I am going to be.

I vow to never be over 200lbs again. I have worked so hard, and just by looking at this picture that was taking this past summer, and the one next to it that was only 3 or 4 summers before...I have no more excuses. I enjoy food, yes. But I enjoy living a life that I am happy of and that I will be proud of. As hard as I am working right now, and how stringent my diet and exercise is. The main goal is to be healthy and to live a balanced lifestyle. There will be moments of temptation, and there will be those days that I won't be able to fight it. BUT, I am going to work hard and get my health back. I am the only one who controls the outcome, and I won't let myself fail.

My worst fears 4 years ago came true, when I said "My biggest fear is gaining all the weight I've lost and putting on some more". I proved that any of our fears can change at anytime, if you let it. I'm at the age where it's only going to get more tough to lose weight and be healthy. I want to start early and make this commitment. I owe this to myself and to those who love me, to not have to worry anymore, but to just enjoy ME as ME and be constantly thinking about my health. I don't want to be compared to morbidly obese individuals anymore. I don't want to ever worry about having high blood pressure, a heart attack, or diabetes at a young age, or ever. I want to enjoy the life that God gave me and spread everything I know about health to others and to teach them that, yes, you can enjoy great tasting food, but moderation and exercise and certain foods will help us get there and stay there. 

I love my life and I love myself too much to ever let this happen again. I stand strong, under 200 pounds for the first time in a while, and ready to shed a lot more. This is a new year, and a new me. I promise you, by the end of 2011 I will be 165lbs (or less). To keep it off and maintain it. Promise. 

To life.
Live. Love. Be Healthy. 

Russy

Completion.

Day 7 of my juice fast was completed yesterday. If I'm going to be honest, I didn't think I was going to last all 7 days. The cap for me was about 3 or 4 days, because I've tried juicing before, and 1 day was even a little too long for my liking, but I proved to myself that I am capable of everything. 5lbs lighter, I feel great. I love the feeling after a day is complete and I'm looking forward to my next fast. Should happen in the next couple of weeks, but I'll go on my regular diet for a week or two, then it's cleanse time again. 

God gave us the weekends (specifically Saturday) to rest and relax, to get our minds away from all the worldly things. This weekend was no different, and I truly enjoyed time w/ those I love. Even though half of my family and Jenny were all sick this weekend, I just love being around them and having everyone home. I'm looking forward to next weekend, and I am hoping and praying for good things to come out of this week, not only w/ working out, but on the job front. I really want that 4100 job and I hope it's in God's plan that it will be. I'm going to leave it all up to Him. There's only so much I can do, and whatever it is that He wants me to do I will follow. 

So here we go, another week, another go at it. 2011 so far has been great to me, let's keep it that way! I'm ready to give it all up to Jesus and leave it in His hands.

6 days going...

Yup...been juicing for 6 days. I've lost a little over 5lbs this week and it feels amazing. Went to the gym 5 out of 6 days, and some days I even worked out twice (4 to be exact). *sigh* I am a couple steps closer to being and feeling healthy again. I can revert now. This is truly for my future and for ME. I want this so bad, I want to feel good and be "normal" and not have to think about how I look and what other people think about me. I'm tired of avoiding people because of what I think they're going to say to me or about me. I want people to just say "you look awesome" or "you kept it off", instead of "whoa! what happened?"

I went to the park today for a minute to enjoy the beautiful weather, but mainly to just clear my mind and relax. It was nice to just sit on that bench and reflect on my journey so far, and to have a conversation w/ God w/out the distractions of the hustle and bustle of our daily lives.

I'm looking forward for this juice fast to end, because I've learned a lot of what I can do and how much I can take. Today is actually the first day I got pretty hungry, but a little water will do the trick :) It's a battle of mind and body, and mind is winning. I'm proud of myself, because honestly I didn't think I could finish this out. I'm one day away from showing that I can really do anything I put my mind too.

The journey continues...

NO CHEAT MEALS or DAYS!

Until I am under 190! 8 more to go....let's go!!!!

Determination.

The mental game.

Getting in shape is just as much mental as it is physical. Much of what we feel physically is connected with what we are feeling emotionally and mentally. I believe that everyone gets sick, you know the flu bug and that sort of thing. BUT how many times is it really "all in our minds", maybe less than 50%. When I start feeling sick, I always start off by saying "I think I'm coming down w/ something", later I tell myself "It's all in your mind!". Half of the time, I do get sick, but the other half, I don't. Are our minds that tricky? Do we mentally tune out when the first signs of adversity occur? 

Growing up, I've always had a fascination w/ the mind. How it plays a part in our lives and how our daily walks and affect our overall outlook on life and how the rest of our lives continue to be lived. Throughout nursing school, I had to keep telling myself "I can do this, I can do this, I can do this!" and be the most positive person, and I eventually finished it out strong. I almost gave up a couple times, and sure the challenges were tough, but if I was mentally checked in from the beginning (not that I wasn't) and never doubted my abilities, would I have had that hard of a time? 

I think it's crazy how people (like myself) set goals and expectations for themselves during the new year, but most never even check off anything off that long list of resolutions. Most tune out after the first week and fail. I think the main struggle is the "mental" game. People watch all these success stories on TV but never believe that, those people can also be them. They make the excuse that those people on TV have this, or that, or had special help, or are supervised. Well...they're still people right? they had to make their own choices? they had to dig deep and do it themselves right? 

I keep telling myself that w/out mental strength, I will never achieve my physical strength. I'm into day 5 of my juice fast w/ 2, maybe 3 more days to go and I have definitely been challenged. I want to challenge what my mind (and body) can handle to see how strong my self control can really be. Juicing not only cleanses the body of it's toxins, but also helps the mind. I'm playing the "mental game" right now. If I can handle 7 days of just juices, there is no doubt that I will be able to do my diet on a daily basis. 

I am challenged every second of every day. Juicing or not juicing. I am the only one who can change what I have done to myself. Nobody can eat for me, or get up for me in the morning to go to the gym, or even to box with the guys at night. My biggest fear is still reverting back to my old ways, but I won't let myself this time. I've worked hard. I'll keep working hard. 

Mentally, I'm tune in. But it's just as easy to tune out as it is in. I will continue to challenge myself and keep pushing myself to greater limits. I can do this. I will do this.

love it.

Being under 200...

...means the WORLD to me. It shows me that losing weight is definitely a journey worth taking. Emotionally I've been up and down, hoping it would be faster, but I've got to continue to work and face the challenges ahead.

I haven't been under 200 since my accident last march, but that's mainly because I didn't eat for about 2 weeks...the all IV diet! haha. But seriously, I haven't worked this hard in years, and it feels good to set goals and start hitting numbers. My goal this week was 198, and I'm almost there and I still have 4 days left of the week.

Nothing comes w/out hard work and determination, and 2011 is all about that for me. Not only in getting fit and healthy, but getting a job, and becoming a better person. It's crazy how 1 bet (or 2-3) can change the way you look on life. Before nursing school, I was someone who wanted to be healthy and cared about my health. Somewhere along the lines, I forgot that it was important. Sure love played a part of it, eating out w/ my girlfriend, but everything in moderation. I can enjoy time w/ friends, family and my girlfriend w/out stuffing my face like I use to. This doesn't mean, it won't happen ever again, but I know now that controlling myself is key to being healthy. 

Being under 200 is a great way to begin 2011, and it's nowhere near I want to be. Next up is 190! It's gonna be hard, but I'm ready for it. 

190, I'm eying on you! :)

I will NEVER give up.

I want to be THAT success story.

I love that I'm against the odds. I love that people doubt me. I love that I control my own destiny. I crave to be that success story. I hate once being an inspiration to others, to being "what not to do". I hate being the chatter and whispers of "dang have you seen him lately? He got real fat". Stuff happens. I love being motivated and knowing that I can do it. I love going to the gym now. I love how life now feels different. I love that I can still be an inspiration. I hate when people don't think I can do something. I hate that I've gained all this weight. I love that I can change. I hate this diet sometimes, but I love how it makes me feel. I hate knowing that it's going to take time and it's taking this long to lose weight. I love knowing I still have time to change and cherish each moment I have on this journey. I hate(d) not being confident enough or comfortable enough to go out sometimes. I love that this is going to change. I love myself, and I love that I can inspire others to love themselves and change.

Everyone wants to be "that" success story, and I'm no different. I watch "the biggest loser" show because I love watching people change their lives. It's amazing how dedicated these individuals are and how much they are willing to change. I hope to be that success story again, and to show people that they can do it as well. I love the feeling that others are inspired, because I love the feeling I get when I get inspired watching other people do it. I'm devoted to changing my ways, because I want to show my family that if I can do it, they can do it too. I was over 230lbs once, and when it's all over and done, I want to show them not only did I drop weight, but I got healthy. I want them to see that by eating right, but choosing what you put in your mouth and what you put your body through, it can make you feel so great.

I have no doubt that I am going to be "that" success story again, and when people ask me what I did. I'm going to say, "Just hard work and dedication, a lot of sweat and pain from the working out, and making the right decisions when it comes to eating". There are going to be "walls" that I'm going to hit, there are going to be cheat days and meals for sure, but remaining consistent w/ this plan is the only way I'm going to get back on track and get my health back. 

This is my time to shine. I'm usually not someone who puts myself in the spotlight or likes to put the attention on myself...but the first step is RESPECTING myself, and allowing myself to feel good about myself. If I feel good, if i believe that I can do it...I'm going to do it. You can't be successful if you don't have pain and struggles, and if you don't believe that you're IT, and that this is YOUR time. I'm excited. Each week that I complete on this journey, is satisfying. It makes me feel accomplished and that the goals I've placed for me are attainable. 

I'm at a HUGE turning point in the journey, and it's only going to go up from here. Let's do this!

I might've been training hard before...

BUT you lit the fire in me even more! 

It's on. It's definitely on! 

What I want to look like.

haha. no homo.

Thank you.

It's been no secret that I've been putting in the work. I wanted to hold myself accountable, so I put out a video showing people that I was going to make the commitment that I needed in order to lose weight. I've been discouraged by the scale the past couple weeks, because I deserve to be shedding more than what the scales been telling me. 

Today I walked into the gym and saw one of my friends, who i referred to as the "man in the wheelchair" in a previous blog. The first thing he tells me when I walk into the locker room was "Bro, you've lost a lot of weight". It's only been 2 or 3 weeks since I've seen this friend, and it's enough validation for me know that I am making progress.

The Lord knows how to show me little signs to lighten up my mood and to get me past the "wall" I am suppose to hit. I am going to give this even more effort knowing that it's working. Thank you friend! You truly made my day.

Giving.

After boxing tonight w/ the fellas, we had this discussion about "giving" and all sorts of things. It made me realize that our lives don't just revolve around us, our families and our friends, but to the world around us as a whole.

I'm guilty of putting stereotypes on people, and being mad at certain who let's say "don't try" while others are trying. Having this talk made me realize that everyone has a story, and although we dislike some things that others do, we cannot control that, but we can control our selves and our actions. 

I find it hard at times to soften my heart or my stance on things, but I know the Lord is trying to work through me. Stop being so proud, and just soften my heart. I felt pretty bad while talking to the guys about some of the things and what I was saying. After we spoke, I thought to myself "Look in the mirror, just hear the words that are coming from your mouth". I can only try and work on myself and be thankful that God is still working in me and hasn't given up. 

I needed this conversation to remind me that we all struggle. Some people handle it different than others, but it's how WE react internally or externally that's going to make the difference. Sometimes we can't just think about ourselves, but what the other person is going through. Smile and do not be heavy hearted. This is my prayer tonight:

Dear Heavenly Father, 

Keep working through me. Remind me that this is YOUR earth and not ours.
We need not only give ourselves to YOU, but show YOU to others and offer ourselves w/out anger or pride. We as a people are in this together. Be w/ us always. I ask these things in your name.

Addicted to the weighing scale...

I guess when you're on a mission to lose a certain amount of weight, you're constantly stepping on the scale so you can reap the results of what you're working hard for. That's been the story of my life the past 2 weeks. I step on the scale multiple times a day, hoping that I've lost more weight. It's kind of like a guilty pleasure, or is more of an obsession? The scale can either be your best friend or your worst enemy!

When I was younger, I absolutely HATED stepping on the scale. Whenever I went to the doctors office as a kid because I was sick, I would try not to eat purposefully, because I was pretty ashamed at how heavy I weighed. When most of my friends in grade school were like 100 pounds or less, I was up close to the 200. I remember always being between 195-199. I never hit that 200 mark as a kid, probably until after the 6th grade. Then I probably capped out at 215-220 during my Jr. High and High school days. Then senior year came around, and I went from around 215, all the way to about 165 in a matter of months. I worked hard. Diet. Exercise. and more.

A couple years ago, I weight in over 230. The heaviest I have ever been in my life. I looked in the mirror and wonder whether or not I was going to be one of those extremely FAT people on TV. I got scared and started to work out. I still hated stepping on the scale, but had to set bench marks to reach in order to get down to a healthier weight. I've been fluctuating around 207 to 220+ the past year and when I got into my accident, since I wasn't eating at all, I went all the way down to 197. That was the first time out of the 200 in a while.

I've been working so hard the past month, and I'm losing weight, but not as fast as I'd like. I always have to remind myself that "what took time to put on, will take even longer to take off". The thing is take it off, but keep it off. Which is why I like to step on the scale so much. I like seeing the numbers go down, because all that hard work is paying dividends.

I have to do it how I did it before. I never stepped on the scale. I just worked hard. Kept working hard and let the mirror do all the talking. I'll know if I'm truly losing weight when the pants start fitting a lot more loose, and when I need another size shirt because those are starting to fall off as well. I've hid the scale for the next 2 weeks, and am planning on working harder and harder to achieve my goals. The scale is just a scale, but how I feel about my body and how I look are more important then the number that pops up.

This again, is all new to me again. I grow so engulfed with the little and big things about losing weight. Such as what to eat, when to eat it. What to work out, how hard to work at it. Those are the certain things that come w/ those who truly want it. And I really want it. I want to be healthy for my future. For the family I'm going to have, for the job that I'm going to get. As a nurse, I need to show that we live the way we preach to our patients, and that being healthy is a great feeling.

So, goodbye scale. At least for the next couple weeks. Push hard. Work smart. and things will start to fall into place.

New Week = New Goals.

Sundays always mark a new and fresh beginning for me. It gives me the opportunity to take a huge breath and just say "ok, forget last week, big things are going to come out of things week". I can only see myself now, but Wednesday I'm going to be wishing that the weekend were here now, haha. But it's a good feeling to start fresh and to remember that God gave us 6 days to work, and on the 7th day, His holy day, He gave it for us to rest, relax and worship Him. 

I'm blessed in some ways to be in the situation I am in right now, but am eager to start the new chapter in my life, which is employment. I'm thankful for the opportunity that God has given me to focus on getting my body and mind, right. To achieve health and to maintain it for the rest of my life. I am truly a witness of God's work, and if my life doesn't prove to anyone that He is real and that He is constantly working, then I don't know what to tell you anymore.

He has taken me through all my challenges, through the many obstacles and has gotten me through each and every one of them. It's not going to be any different. All we have to do, is accept Him, and keep Him driving the car we drive and go in the passenger seat for the ride. Like I always say, there are going to be bumps, and there are going to be those times when the car breaks down and stalls for a bit, but God is like the ultimate AAA, he comes when you need Him, is there when you're doing fine, and continues to be there always. 

The time we are spending here on earth, is not the life to look forward to...we have Jesus up in heaven waiting to come down for us to look forward to. We have Heaven, our true home to look forward to. God has given us this opportunity on earth to learn and grow, but it's heaven where our real lives are going to be lived. 

A new week, a new beginning, a fresh start into becoming better people. My goal is to love myself as much as I love the world. God says that you can only love the world as much as you wanna love the world, if you love yourself just as much. I have always wanted to spread His love around the world, and show others that I LOVE YOU and that God is here. BUT, for years I haven't taken care of my body, and this is the time to truly love myself and to be thankful and grateful for the health that God has given me. I'm ready to start this week w/ my head up and goals in place. Let's do it. 

To health. 

Live. Love. Be Healthy. 

Russy

When you're tight shirts start fitting more lose....

You're doing something right...next step, those pants.

7 days.

Going on a juice and smoothies fast for 7 days. This is more so an emotional and spiritual cleanse as it is a cleanse of the body. The mind and body need to be challenged all in one, and one way I know how to do that is by juicing. Juicing and eating raw, uncooked foods helped the body get rid of the unwanted processed junk that we put in our bodies. 

Although I'm eating a pretty clean diet w/ my high protein, high vegetables/fruit, low carb diet...there are still a lot of processed junk that goes into protein shakes, chicken breast and even unorganic vegetables and fruits that I consume. So I'm going to reboot my body by going on this fast.

I want 2011 to be a year where I change a lot of my habits. I'm going to straight out say and honestly tell you that I will have a few cheat days or meals. If you see me at a restaurant and it's not a salad, consider this, in order to lose weight and get healthy...one must be rewarded and always give the body certain foods in order for it to revert to starvation.

On most days of my diet, I'm only consuming 1000-1500 calories, and sooner or later our bodies will think that is normal, and will not give you the results you deserve. Hence my lack of pulling out a big number the past 2 weeks. I've worked hard, if not harder than I did at the beginning of my journey, but yet I am only pulling small numbers. Our brain and body chemistry is an extremely smart thing to trick. That is why, in order to prevent the dreaded "wall", we need to change things up. 

This juice and smoothie fast is going to be a reminder to me that I can do it. When I complete this fast, it's going to mentally prepare my mind and body for the struggles I am going to face on this journey. I'm blessed to have the opportunity to rest and relax. This is a way of clearing my mind of all stresses and impurities. A way to get in touch w/ not only our physical side, but our emotional well-being. I'm excited about this opportunity to treat my body w/ respect and cleanse it from the world.

I begin this journey at 203lbs as a marker. This is going to be from Sunday to Saturday, today will be an all fruit and veggie day to slowly transition into this fast. I pray that it not only heal me physically and emotionally but spiritually as well. The Lord created everything we know in 7 days. He gave us days to rest. He continues to give us the opportunity to recreate and reinvent ourselves for the better. My journey continues, and I'm only looking forward to greater things in 2011. 

Cheers. To our health. 

Live. Love. Be Healthy. 

Always, 

Russy

T.G.I.F.

Fridays always welcome the weekends. I'm just thankful, I need some rest from all this working out. BUT I am really thankful that the Lord has given me this time off while looking for a job, because honestly, even though it's been frustrating not having a job, it's a huge blessing to be able to relax. Thank you Lord for giving me rest and relaxation when sometimes we don't think it is.

10 Tiny Changes for Big Weight Loss.

1. Wait 2 minutes. Cravings will disappear after two minutes if you walk away and turn your attention elsewhere.

2. W.I.W.M. = When you really crave something unhealthy, answer this question: "What do I Want More," that piece of chocolate cake, or a body I feel proud of? And on rare occasions, it's okay to pick the chocolate cake!

3. No one's perfect. Don't allow one bad choice to result in binging the rest of the day, or falling back into old habits.

4. Focus. Make eating purposeful, not something mindless to do while watching TV, driving, or sitting in front of the computer. Whenever you put food in your mouth, try to engage all of the senses in the pleasure of nourishing your body.

5. Don't skip breakfast. Start eating a filling breakfast, but one that's lower in fat. It will help you eat fewer total calories throughout the day.

6. Veggies. Most of your plate should have veggies and/or fruit on it at both lunch and dinner.

7. See what you eat. Eat your food off of a plate instead of straight out of a jar, bag, or box.

8. Don't buy it. Stop buying the food you snack on all day. Just eliminate the temptation.

9. Eat more fruit. A person who gets enough fruit in their diet doesn't have a raging sweet tooth.

10. Watch what you drink. Cut back on or cut out high-calorie drinks like soda, sweet tea, lemonade, and especially alcohol. People have lost weight by just making this one change.

Patience.

I WANT RESULTS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I'm working so hard. Being so disciplined. Why am I not getting the results I deserve?????????!?!?!?! *sigh* I guess my frustration is out of this world. Maybe I should hide my scale and not look at it everyday. That's the bad part of having it in the bathroom where I step on it all day. It's really discouraging to only be losing 2-3 pounds a week when I've been putting WAY MORE work than that! 

Things I need to change: 

1. Sleep earlier 

2. Eat more 

3. Be Patient. 

I'm so determined to change my habits, and I should be proud that I have, it's just huge frustration when I use to get fast results, but I guess that's what comes w/ age. I'm not going revert to diet pills or faster ways of weight loss like I've done in the past. I just need to come to grips that it's gonna take time. Like I always say, it took a good 2-3 years to put on this weight, it's gonna take some time to take it off. I'm a hard worker at whatever I do, and I'm not gonna change. Well...time to hide the scale for 2 weeks.

No gimmicks.

Hard work & dedication. Follow the diet. Period. 

Progress:
Dec 9th, 2010 - 226 lbs 

Jan 5th, 2011 - 203 lbs 

        Total weight loss = 23 lbs. 

               Only 53 lbs more to go...countdown continues 

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

For some reason, I'm really anxious today. I feel like I'm waiting for something. I've been wanting and needing a rest day this entire week, but I hate sitting on my @ss, and today that's what I did. Until I get a call to workout in an hour. I think it's what I need, even though I'm tired, I might just need to get some sweat and steam out.

All of us this working out is new to me (again). It's something that I haven't taken seriously in almost 3 years. I haven't been the most disciplined person in the past, and I think along w/ the physical frustration, I'm getting more and more of the emotional side of things now. 

I just want to lose ALL THE WEIGHT NOW! but it doesn't come that easily! It takes time. *sigh* This feeling of anxiety today is killing me. I even took a nap today to rest and to ease up. But I'm ready to go! I'm ready to sweat and get all the gunk and grease out of my body. 

Maybe I need another cheat meal this weekend? Whatever it is...I'm gonna need it. Going to the gym tomorrow to go into the sauna and just meditate...

Geez, this blog is getting all over the place! haha...k time to do work! Gotta do what NIKE says to do all the time: JUST DO IT.

Second Chances.

The Lord is truly good. A man that is willing to change and starts believing in Christ, is a man that is bound to change and receive the abundant blessings that Jesus is always going to give. Ted Williams story is something that everyone can learn from. It isn't too late to make a leap of faith in your life, and good things happen to good people. This is definitely something that inspires me to never be content in my life, but to keep searching for ways that I can better myself and the world around me. 

Blessings to this guy and his family. 

Goonight.

Goodnight world. Tomorrow is another day, until then...I'm so tired I can sleep like this poor child. :)

Push.

Sometimes I feel like I'm pushing so hard to get that rock on the stand (like the picture), but it just feels so far away. I just feel like dropping the ball and saying I quit (but quitting is not in my blood). I'm exhausted, if I'm going to be honest. Mentally I'm trying to stay focused, but the mental battle is just as hard as the physical battle. My mind is trying to trick my body into "REST", but I am capable of more. 

Watching the biggest loser tonight, and seeing these trainers push the contestants so hard, beyond what they think they can do, I feel the same way. I feel as if when I feel like I've done enough, to push through and do a little bit (or a lot) more. When I think I've put that rock on top of that stand, I need to dig deeper and make sure it's up there, because it's probably not enough. 

Maybe it's just one of those days where I'm struggling and need a boost. Whatever that boost may be, I need it. I took this journey before...took my body to the extreme. I know how much work it takes both emotionally and physically, and it's only going to get more tough. I need to get mentally checked in, because this road has just begun. As tired as I am, I'm never going to give up because this battle is my life. This is my health and I am the only one who can control it. Forget the diet pills and fad diets out there, forget lap band and lipo suction that all obese people drool over...this is about HARD WORK and DEDICATION. This is about me getting off my @ss and doing work. I control my own destiny, and if that rock doesn't get to that platform, I'm gonna be upset. 

This is my journey. This is my fight. As frustrated and as tired or exhausted as I may be, I'm going to believe that I can do anything and that my mentality is going to be, shut up and just do it. No more excuses. The past 2 years have been about excuses and blaming everything I can imagine, from school to no time, to whatever it is...I'm dedicated. I'm too far into this to be "tired". Let's go.

Opportunities.

I have no idea what the road ahead of me holds. That's the beauty of our lives. The journey's we are on can change at any moment, and we have to always be ready for whatever is thrown at us. I have so many things I want to accomplish in 2011, and all I can do is depend on God and let Him take care of all the opportunities that are ahead of me.

There is little that I can do to control any of the things that happen around me, but I have to be proactive and take the initiative to get things done. But, I can do all I want, but this is God's journey WITH me as much as it is mine. I'm never alone, because He always says he's going to walk us through it, if we allow Him to. 

I believe with all of my heart that God is waiting for the perfect opportunity for me. I need to remain patient and be thankful for this restful time in my life, where I can sit back and let things happen. Although it's stressful to be jobless and frustrated that I am sending in application after application, and receive nothing...it's a part of His plan. When the opportunity is the right one, He'll definitely make it known and I am ready for whatever He is planning for me. 

This new year is an exciting time for me, not only because certain opportunities are presenting themselves, but because I feel that God is working through me in a strong way. He always makes Himself known, and rightfully so, I'm getting even more inspired to sing more and do music again. The Lord is always good. always. It's up to us to hold up our end of the bargain and show Him that we trust and will do whatever it takes. 

My prayer today is this:

Dear Heavenly Father, 

I leave it in your hands. Whatever your plan is for me, I will follow. 

Thank you for being what You are to me, and what you have always been and will continue to be. 

I love you always. 

Tempted to cheat??

Drew Carey on cheating:

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels,"' says Carey

Sweat drops.

How do you interpret these little droplets? Are they just a part of our biological physics, or do they hold a much more emotional sentiment?

While I was working out today, I was pushing as hard as my big body could, and drop after drop of sweat began to hit the floor. The floor was doused in sweat and as the last bead of sweat hit the ground, the first thing that popped into my head was that this tear, to me, signified an "internal tear". The hard work I'm putting in, and the sweat that falls are like tears of joy or even frustration that my body is dying to get out. Each bead of sweat is one step closer to getting my life back in order to feel healthy and fit again.

I remain focused and determined that 2011 will hold so many great things for me. Including getting my body and health where it needs to be, and maintaining it for the rest of my life. I'm aware of the challenges and obstacles that may present themselves, but these road bumps should only be bumps and not brick walls that I need to push through again. To this day I have lost over 20+ pounds, but still have a whole lot more to go. The sweat that fell today symbolized how difficult it's going to be, how frustrating I'm going to get, how much more I need to push, and how proud of myself I truly am.

As hard as I am on my self, it's only because I know what I'm capable of. I am capable of anything. There's nothing in this world that I cannot do, because God is on my side. He tells us in Phil 4:13 that w/ Him ALL things are possible, and that remains focus. To push, to trust and to believe that I can do it through Him.

Sweat and tears are beautiful. It shows how vulnerable we humans, truly are. This journey I'm taking is BEAUTIFUL. I might obsess over certain things, but that's the only way I know how to do it. When I do something, I will put my all into every step. My story will continue...2011 is feelin' great.

Summer.

I'm excited for you. I want hot weather to come back. Living in California, we take going to the beach for granted...this summer will be different. Can't wait for you. 

Gonna train harder and harder till then. Cause it's gonna be all about being active and having tons of BBQ's! :)
& it's my birthday! haha

The art of not giving in.

Our brains are the best at tricking our minds what our needs and wants are. When we set goals for ourselves (much like resolutions), and by the first week (or even, days) we break them, we just laugh and say to ourselves "oh well" or "I tried". 

It's funny how as humans we set ourselves up for disappointment, and it's okay. Okay to let ourselves down. It shouldn't be this way, and "giving in" in somewhat of our culture now. I'm, maybe, the biggest victim to this and also many the biggest overcome(r). 

I have shown that I am able to defeat my biggest foe, and also surrender and be one to laugh and shrug. 2011 to me, is about a new beginning. A time to start fresh. A time to prove that the art of "not giving in" is attainable. 

I will not give in. I will master the art of "not giving in". 2011, I'm ready for you!!

Can't wait...

To have my hair this long again.

Great way to start 2011.

Green. Juice. Cleanse.