Monday, February 28, 2011

New youtube channel.

To document/vlog everuthing!

http://www.youtube.com/user/50poundsin1year

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Goal for the next 3 months.

Have my scrubs falling off of me...I don't mind spending money on scrubs, as long as they're a smaller size. Starting off w/ a Large, let's get that medium action going on.

So fitting.

I wake up this morning to my daily bible verse. My favorite. 
Philippians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me". 

Tomorrow I'm going to embark on my "real" nursing journey. I've been itching to get back on the floor at the same time, anxious and nervous. It seams so surreal that I have a job as an RN and after all my doubts in school, it's finally coming into fruition. There are times I don't do good under pressure, and that's what scares me the most. But this verse always reminds me that w/ Jesus we can do anything. He stands by our side and makes it a whole lot easier for us, because nothing in this world is done w/out the help of our Lord and savior. He gets us through so many challenges and it's only fitting to have this jump start my day. 

As scared and anxious as I am, I am assured that God is standing there right by me. Watching my every step and decision that I make as a nurse, and life in general. I can't wait till that blessed day when Jesus comes back to take us home, but I am always ready to make a difference in this world we live in today that Jesus wants us to be. He gave us certain talents so we can utilize them to the best of our abilities. He gives us strength to get up each morning to face the new challenges that present themselves. I'm ready, I'm focused and I'm ready to walk w/ the Lord through this journey. 

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

February, you ain't nice.

This month has definitely had it's challenges concerning my weight loss. I've gained more than a few pounds back, and it doesn't feel good. I can't let myself go again, and I won't. Me getting this job and having all these birthday celebrations around me, doesn't mean I can just go eating everything in sight and not have the motivation to work out anymore. It should give me more reason to stay on track. 

March is going to be tough. The past couple of months have been easy because I had all the time in the world to wake up whenever I wanted, prepare food whenever I wanted, stay up however long I wanted to, but starting this Friday, it's all going to change. I'm going to be working full time, and going to the gym needs to have priority in my life. I've set major weight loss goals for 2011, and it started off going great, now I just need to refocus and get back on track.

I always tell myself, you can do anything you put your mind to. It isn't different this time. Next week will be another cleansing week for me, and it's well fitting to start the month of March on the right path. I'm so vulnerable to over eat and be lazy at home. But I need to change that and change it soon because I want this to be a year that I'll look back and say I DID IT. 

My goals still remain the same. Monday I will start my video blogging, which will hopefully keep me on track. I'll try to blog every day or every other day, to keep me on track. I'll document what I've been eating, how I feel, what types of workouts I'm going to be doing. etc... 

FEB 23, 2011 is going to be my 2nd turning point. I started in december at 228lbs...currently I'm at 201.8lbs. My goal is to be at 150-155lbs by Dec 31st, 2011. I stand by that and I know I can do this. This is mine to lose, and my journey to share w/ everyone. 

Let's go (again).

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.
~ Herman Cain

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

He's Back!!

Weight Loss Chart.

This is what's going to help me stay on track. Each month there is a goal to meet and each week there will also be goals to meet. I want to paint the big picture, but have small attainable and accountable steps to take in order to reach my goal. This will motivate me and challenge me, and you know me, I'm always up for challenges. First Vlog will be this Friday (weigh in, goals, etc...) Let's go! 


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

****NEW GOAL****

By December 31st, 2011 -- I will have be 155lbs & have a 6 pack.

Write it down, cause it's happening. 


How it will happen:
Starting Monday Feb 21st, 2010 I will have weekly vlogs and goals to help me reach that goal. 
Weigh will be every Friday. Good or bad I will vlog! Let's go. 

What Drives You..

"Daily inspiration of what drives me, is just to get up and get better, and be better. Be a better man at the end of the day. We all have our challenges and responsibilities and the drive to be better is motivating for me. We all trip, fall down and make mistakes, but we all deserve to get back up at the end. And that drives me." 

- Dwayne Johnson

In need of motivation...

December and January were GREAT months, as far as weight loss and working out.
February has been a challenging one. We're half way through and I catch myself a constant up and down. I've remained the same or have gained 2 or 3 pounds.

This whole "meal cheating" and the lack of going to the gym is killing me. It's making me unmotivated and lazy. A feeling I don't like, and a feeling I want to get rid of. This isn't the infamous "wall" or "plateau" people face when they're on a weight loss journey...it's just something I need to break and break it soon or else I'll be back at 230 again if I keep letting this happen.

I'm slowly starting to get back on my high protein, high fruits/veggies, low (whole grain) carb diet. I'd like to continue my raw diet and juicing, but I just feel like I need the protein and carbs right now. I need to get that motivation back that I had at the beginning of December, and it's something I need to work for again.

There will be something that will spark me to get back on track, and I know this will just be a road bump. I still have 2 weeks left for this month, but I vow that March will be much better. This is it. The turning point is now. I need to get this ship right or I'll be back at square one and working harder than I've ever worked just to get to the point I am at now.

Hope I get that motivation soon...

Monday, February 14, 2011

Too much celebration?

After a great week of weight loss, I found myself back to square one. This weekend had plenty of reasons to celebrate. 

1. Me getting a job 
2. Valentines day 
3. Meek's Birthday 
4. Just good times w/ friends 

With celebration comes food, and with food, comes Russy eating too much. This is the kind of setback and road bumps I am always talking about. February can be a tricky month, because it's the month of LOVE, and also the month of Jenny, my bro and my dad (He's on March 1st, so throw him in there too) birthdays. 

What I need to do is, make healthier choices, limit my intake, and workout hard! Harder than I've worked out before. Working out twice a day again would be nice too. So, is there such thing as "too much celebration"? YES! Because I just did it this weekend. 3 days straight of stuffing my face, it felt like the holidays. But that's no excuse to gain the weight I've taken off. Let's get back on track :)

Friday, February 11, 2011

Peter.

Today, I had the chance to sing for a group of people in Loma Linda that I always love singing for. Auntie Monette (Jordan's Mom) has always asked us to sing for her work, and it's always hard to turn down because I just love singing for these people.

It's a day care for people who have disabilities, ages 16 - the oldest is 102. We usually sing love songs and oldies, and some originals, but today we led out the worship program and sang some of our favorite religious songs.

When I walked in today, I noticed someone there who was a relative of a friend of mine. He had down syndrome and was just the sweetest guy you could possibly meet. As we sang our songs, I could only smile and be happy while he joined and sang along with us. You couldn't really tell what he was saying or the hear the correct pitch, but none of that mattered. The first thing that popped into my head was, "this is what heaven is going to be like." 

God loves each and everyone of us in a special way. He has created us in HIS image and has everything was according to His plan. Some of the more challenge or disabled people, are the ones who touch our lives the most and made the world a better place. These are the people who are so innocent and are so pure in nature and people who are always thinking about you and others. They too will be singing w/ us up in heaven and be just like us, because we are all made under God's name. 

Today was a day where I felt complete. Today was a day where I sang for all the right reasons and remembered why I was given this gift, and that's to spread God's word and to share His love w/ others. It is definitely a wonderful and peaceful start to the weekend, and I'm just blessed that I was able to share it w/ so many special people are the day care today. I am truly blessed to have the talent of singing, and I will continue to use it to spread whatever message God wants me to give others.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

First Job.

Praise the Lord! 

Today is a great day. I feel good physically and mentally. This current job hunt has been horribly frustrating, but God had a plan for me the entire time. I have come to realize that when we wish or want things for our lives, it doesn't take long till all of our chasing and plans start to fail. When we try and accomplish everything in our own, we fail. But when we put God in the drivers seat, we always reach the finish line. 

My life has been a testament to that. He has brought me through some tough and endearing times that I thought I would never get past. There were days where I wanted to give up and would question why am I even doing this? But he always brings a sense of calm amongst the cloudy present.

I got up this morning, stressed. I was anxious because of the looming decision that the unit would need to have. So I got up, and did my devotional and read some bible text. I then started to do my morning prayer that started off like this: "Good morning Lord, thank you for this beautiful day..." a few more words trickled out of my mouth and my phone started to ring. (Caller ID: LLUMC). I said to myself, maybe it's God's way of telling me "I have something for you kiddo". So I picked it up and a job was offered to me. 

I feel so blessed and thankful that I am given this opportunity to be a servant of the Lord in a field of healing and nurturing. This is the first step to many, and I know there are going to be tough and challenging times, but with the Lord I will get through all of them. Today is a great day, and I am just thankful I have a God who will always watch out for me no matter what.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Horrible Idea.

So, a few years ago I was actually living a healthy lifestyle, in shape (not round), and had tons of energy. At the same time of that peak, I got accepted into nursing school. I'm the type of guy who loves challenges and proving to people I can do certain things that people didn't think I could do. When I got into the program, I was a lean 146 pounds at around 6-7% body fat. My abs started to come out and my arms, chest and other muscles were popping out.

I worked my ass off to be in that kind of shape. 

My biggest fear had been to gain all the weight I use to carry around growing up as a kid again. For some odd reason, I kind of wanted to test myself if I could do it all over again. It wasn't like a sudden decision where I was like "I'm going to gain 100 pounds", but more like, I want to see if I can gain some weight and lose it again. (Note to self: horrible idea).

It started off by eating a little more than I usually eat. More carbs, more protein, still not a lot of fast food, but at this point it wasn't out of control. After my first year of nursing school, I was probably between 165-175 and I had finally "Gained the weight" I wanted to lose. When your body gets used to consuming so many calories, it adapts, and in this case my body wanted more and it was hard to lose that weight. Instead of losing the weight, by the middle of my second year as a nursing student, I gained another 10-15lbs and was more around 190.

I got scared and little did I know how gaining weight can play with your emotions, confidence and just your outlook of yourself. I lost some of that weight and got to probably around 170 again, and then love happened. I fell in love w/ Jenny and when you're in love, you want to share so many things together (including great food). I went from 170, to 180, then slowly crept up to 190-195. All of a sudden I found myself at 230 at the start of my third and final year. This was weight that I needed to get off fast, but being that my body had adapted once again, it became nearly impossible to me.

Soon, I felt like I was one of those people on TV that needed intervention and was fighting for his life. I would wake up lethargic, neck pains, had a hard time doing things that use to be easy w/out sweating up a storm (walking up stairs, wiping your butt (sorry TMI), etc...) the things that fat people struggle with, I struggled with. Growing up I was fat and at 23-24 yrs old, I was the fat guy again. 

Emotionally this took a great toll on me. I was embarrassed and never wanted to go out because I wanted to hide and not have anybody see what I had done to myself. I use to be an inspiration to others to lose weight and live healthy, and now I'm the guy who is searching for their own source of inspiration. I fought hard. I would be eat good and exercise (a little bit) for 1-2 days, then revert to binge eating and being lazy. I would think about which buffet I want to go next and exercise would not even be in the back of my mind. I struggled, heavily. 

Then around this time last year, I found out about "Raw Foods". I started to do a lot of research, bought a juicer, got a couple books that would help me. It was a stretch, but I felt like I needed to do something, and now. I was on 70% raw foods for awhile, and I saw tremendous results. From 230 I went down to about 210-212 and stayed there for awhile. Then my accident happened. People looked down on what I was doing, and blamed my juicing and eating raw foods for what had happened. This wasn't the case at all. It was probably the one thing that was helping save my life, and now it's being blamed for my accident. So I didn't juice for a while, and stopped being healthy again.

During thanksgiving, I ballooned up to about 228 again and I pretty much had accepted that I was going to be like this for the rest of my life. To me, I had tried and nothing seemed to work. I said to myself, "Maybe my metabolism had just slowed down, and there's nothing I can do". Honestly, I was trying...but probably not hard enough, and most of all, I wasn't being consistent. I had given up on myself, and I'm pretty sure a lot of people around me did as well. The worst is when your family stops saying things about you losing weight, because at that point, they too have accepted that you're most likely going to be like this the rest of your life. 

After my cousin Ella left to go back to London after her vacation here, I made the commitment to myself that I was going to change. 2011 was going to be a different year. My so I thought "great idea", didn't turn out so well. Why did I let myself gain that weight back that I had worked so hard at taking off. I think sometimes I challenge myself too much and sometimes you just got to ride that wave and stay consistent. Sure it wasn't all about me challenging myself to gain that weight, but your psyche and mentally will change and certain things will become a habit. Being unhealthy became my bad habit, and it was hard to break. 

Right now, I'm at a crucial point where this is the time where it becomes a lifestyle and not a diet. I think I have passed the hump where I've nearly broken most of my bad habits, and it's time to stay consistent. My challenge should be to keep improving and to keep getting healthy. I'm blessed to live in an area (Loma Linda) that preaches the health message, and I want to make that a HUGE part of my life.

I'm as determined as ever. I've accepted that there are some things on this journey that we cannot change. There are going to be obstacles and road bumps that will prevent us from reaching our goals. But it is up to me to dig deep and fight against the things that will set me back and put me back to where I was before. I know I always right about "I WILL NEVER BE THERE AGAIN", but it's easier said than done. I'm going to have to sacrifice and dedicate myself to doing certain things that my body is not use to doing. I'm going to have to re-learn the art of saying "no thank you" to unhealthy foods that I want to, but shouldn't put in my body. 

This whole thing, is a learning curve and all new, but will become familiar soon. Me gaining all that weight was a horrible idea. I never want to experience all the other things besides the physical, that comes w/ gaining weight. Emotionally it's a bad place to be, and you understand why so many obese people give up on themselves and give up on life. I won't be another statistic for unhealthy living, and the first step is admitting that I did (do) have a problem. I've gotten past that, and now it's time to be consistent and make this a big part of my life that I'm willing to do for the rest of my life. 

I've learned from this whole thing great lessons, and hopefully I can be that "inspiration" story to others, so I can help them change their lives as well. 

To life. 
Live. Love. Be healthy. 
Always, 
Russy

Give me 1 year & I'll get back to this...

Struggling.

This is my 3rd juice fast, and this time around...it's really testing my will. I'm struggling, but I'm going to keep going. only 5 more days to go.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I will do this.

My weigh loss has future written all over it. Growing up, people were always worried about me because of the "life-long" affects of carrying all the extra can have. That is the first thing that comes to most people's mind...what will the end result be? Long term sickness? Disease? Death? 

As I continue on this journey, I am constantly reminded why I'm doing this. This is not only for me, but for my family. Every time that I watch biggest loser and I see the tears and heart break that being over weight can have on a family, I can only imagine how people can "secretly" and "openly" be scared and concerned about how unhealthy I am. 

I want to play w/ my kids for hours, and not have to sit down to rest because I'm exhausted. I want to be able to go on field trips with them and have the other kids say "your dad is so cool" and not ask my kids "why is your dad so fat"? I want to be an example of taking care of your body and to be healthy for my kids. I want them to have a dad that can teach them how to play sports so that they can have sports in their lives too and be successful at it. 

I want to be a healthy husband for my wife. To be able to go on many adventures and to travel the world and never stop traveling. I want to be active and go on hikes, swimming at the beach, and do exciting things and experience all the things that we want to and more. 

I will do this. I'm still going strong. I'm doing this not only for myself, because at the end of the day, this is for me. But I'm doing this for everyone who I care about and who care about me. 

I broke out of the 200's...it's time to get below 190, and it ain't far. A few more sacrifices, and I'll get there. As slow or as fast as it takes to get this weight off, I will stay motivated and strong. Main goal is to stay healthy and to maintain it for the rest of my life.

To health. 
BST.TLF 
Russy

Monday, February 7, 2011

Good things come to those who wait...

Everybody wants things. Sooner rather than later. I truly believe that if you wait on the Lord and His plans instead of ours, good (great) things will come. 

It's easy to get discouraged and impatient when it comes to the things we really want. But are the things we really want, what God wants for us? I trust the Lord w/ all my heart, and I will wait. Wait for however long that I'll have to, because I know good things will come by trusting and being patient when it comes to God's plan.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Lovely Weekend.

God is good. 

Last week, was a pretty hectic and stressful week for me. I had my first interview as a registered nurse on Thursday (still awaiting results), and I don't think I've ever prepared and practice all types of scenarios in my entire life. Everybody knows how much I want this particular job...I would label it as my "dream job", and so I took the approach of, "I need to try my best if I really want it". After a nerve wracking and stressful Thursday morning, my body felt so weak and tired, and all I wanted was so R&R and to get my mind off it. 

This weekend was a much needed restful weekend. It started off w/ a great workout at the gym to relieve some of the anxiety from the interview. The following day, I was able to sleep in after feeling a little under the weather, and it definitely did my body well. After that I headed out to Pasadena area to celebrate Chinese New Year w/ the fam. I was able to buy a few books that I've wanted to by for a while "21 day detox" and "Study on Protein Diets'. I followed that w/ nice pit stop at Wholefoods market, where I spent nearly an hour just walking around fascinated with all the things they had. Had myself a nice little sandwich, and just relax. I concluded the night w/ a delicious dinner w/ great company, and just so nice to see all of Jenny's family. 

Sabbath was another blessing, starting out w/ church in the morning, led by all the kids at my church. Message/skits by the kids were about the "10 commandants" and it's always nice to be reminded of the rules the Lord has placed in our lives to live and abide by. Saturday lunch w/ the fam was needed, seems like it's been awhile since we've all had a sit down meal, and it felt good to start out the Sabbath. Then we all took another much needed Sabbath nap (for like 3-4 hours), then we followed it w/ another great dinner w/ friends at Olive Garden to celebrate Kathleen's and Meeks (and also Jenny's) bday. 

Today was another sleep in day, followed by more eating. Although I could have made better food choices, I was blessed to spend time w/ family and friends. Sometimes you have to break your diet and exercise to give your body the rest and relaxation it needs. I'm learning not to be too hard on myself, at the same time not giving up and letting it get in the way of achieving my goals. I believe that God knew I needed to get my mind off things and just relax, and this weekend I was able to do that. It's a beautiful thing to have friends and family to spend these times w/ and I'm just thankful for each and every one of them.

I absolutely love the weekends, especially the Sabbath. It's always a day I will never feel guilty about not doing anything. Just chillin' and focusing on the most important thing, God and our families. This week is another big week for me, because I know I may find out about me getting the job or not. But no matter what the result is, I know that God is walking along side of me and has something in store. I hope it's this job, but if it's not, I put my full trust in Him. If I'm going to be honest, I probably would be extremely disappointed if I don't get it, but the reality is...God is always in control. once we start trying to do things on our own, we fall through the cracks and hit walls we won't be able to break down. Once we let Him fully control our destiny, that is when things start to become more clear and much easier.  

My full trust is in the Lord, because I know that it's all in His hands. He has blessed me so much, and I am thankful for every blessing and opportunity He has put in front of me. My calling is to serve Him in every way possible. Whether it's as a nurse or in my music, or just in my daily walk and influence on others. I want to live my life as His servant and his vessel, because we are the ones on this earth that will carry His message of love and second coming. 

I'm excited for the future and for the many great things He has in store for me and my family. I will continue to place my life in His hands. True happiness does not come in the form of material things, but in pacing your life w/ God and allowing Him to work through you. This is my prayer tonight, that He continues to use me in every way possible. To bless me, so that I may bless others in His name. Till next weekend. 

Be blessed. 
Live. Love. Be Healthy.
Russy

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Raw Food.

Why does it intrigue me so much? I'm catch myself watching videos, searching restaurants to go to. I'm extremely fascinated with the movement, but definitely hard to go 100% Raw. 

The goal is to incorporate as many vegetables and fruit (in its living form) as possible. If I can do that this year, I will be content.

Maybe sometime in my life I will go head on w/ the Raw Foods, but for now, I'll be 50-60% raw :)


P.s.
I went to wholefoods market yesterday, and I seriously felt like a kid in a candy store. I spend about an hour with nothing in my hand, just walking around flabbergasted by all the choices of organic, farm-raised, gluten-free, and raw foods/supplements, etc...Why can't we have one here in the IE! Sucks for us! 








Pray always. No matter what.

Friday, February 4, 2011

R&R

Sometimes when the body is telling you to rest more, you gotta listen. No matter how determined I am to get healthy and in shape, it was a HORRIBLE idea to go to the gym for as long as I did yesterday. 

So thankful for the weekend. Rest time :)

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Friendly reminder.

"Every time you cheat, you're cheating yourself. Every time you think you're depriving yourself, you're depriving your greatness of what you could be."

In God's Hands.

Today, was a stressful day. 

I had my first nursing interview (post graduation and passing of my boards), and I absolutely had no idea what to expect. Sure I practiced, but it sure wasn't like the real thing. 

The Lord truly blessed me w/ so many things today, and I know He was watching over me. From easing the start of my day w/ prayer w/ my mom, to seeing Uncle Dan in the elevator, to running into people I knew from the floor to make me comfortable, and getting the people I got to interview me. The manager, being so genuinely nice, the HR guy who could've been someone I went to church w/, and lastly having my 2 preceptors a part of the process. 

Jesus know how to work in our lives. Whether it's small, or in this case BIG, he knows how to make himself known in any given situation. Do I get the job or not? I don't know, but all I know is that Jesus was there w/ me and will continue to be there for me every single step of the way. I'm thankful to have a God that shines in so many ways and all I can do now, and what I should always do, is leave it in His hands. In His hands is where it's best and where whatever the outcome may be, whether it's His plan or not, I will follow and trust that He has the perfect situation for me. 

Thank you Lord for being by my side today. I love you so much and am looking forward to that day when you come back and take us home. :)

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Please be with me Lord.

I know you will. 

Hair cuts.

I absolutely hate haircuts, especially when I've been growing it for almost a year. 
I told myself, when I get an interview I will cut it, and I'm sticking to my word. 
Hope it turns out good. We'll see. 
But as far as the myth, I'm only in shape when my hair is long. 
Won't be the case, I'm changing as we speak and it's up hill from here. 
Well, bout to get a cut in an hour...
Goodbye hair. you've been good to me, but annoying at the same time.
*sigh* :) 

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

On my knees tonight.

Dear Heavenly Father, 

Lord, grant me the peace during this stressful time. I need you more than ever. Naturally, I'm an anxious person. But I need to constantly be reminded, that as long as we trust in You, everything will fall into place. I can only do some much, and the things I cannot control, I leave them up to you Lord. Forgive me for ever doubting you and even myself, because You have ALWAYS been by my side. If I doubt myself, I am doubting you. The next few days are big for me, and Lord I leave it all in your hands. Whatever your plan is, I am here to follow. Good night Father, see you in the morning, bright and early, ready for a new day and for what's ahead. 

Love always, 
Russy

New way to deal w/ stress.

I will admit, I am an emotional eater. Happy or sad, food is comfort. Food brings people together, and food will ease the pain when something in your life isn't going right. Food doesn't talk back to you, it just makes you feel better. It doesn't complain of the things you don't do for it, it just says "grab me and put me in your mouth, you'll feel better". Food satisfies your deepest emotions, you crave and crave until you end up giving in and breaking so much more than that craving. Food is man's best friend, it simply just tastes good. 

I've been turning to food to deal w/ all types of stress: school, relationships, etc...and also have been using it to celebrate the happy times. I'm tired of using food as an emotional tamer, because it should never be about that. I've been on the journey for nearly two months now and I have lost 30 pounds. Being that I did it during the peak of the holiday season, I have to give myself a couple pats in the back.

In the past few weekends, I've noticed that I've cheated a little more than I'd like to. Sure it came w/ special occasions such as birthdays, engagements, family gatherings, but I could have definitely made better choices on the foods I ate and the amount. Nobody is perfect, but you can control whatever goes into your body. 

Today, I chose to go to the gym. I handled my stress a different way, and it felt good. It felt good to release some stress by sweating up a storm and lifting weights off my shoulders (literally). I'm scared I'm going to waste the past 2 months of work, for a couple weeks of pleasure. I think the hardest part about weight loss is maintaining it and being consistent w/ everything you've done right. It's so easy to go back into your old ways, and for that I'm scared. Back when I was at my most fit, people would ask me, what is your biggest fear. My answer was the same over and over again, "I'm scared of getting fat again". 

My biggest fear came true, and lots more. The stresses of being a nursing student, strained relationships, and also plenty of celebrations...took a toll on my body. I neglected my health and instead turned to 15 minutes of pleasure for years that I could be taking off my life. It's never easy to just put that piece of pizza or burger down, or stay away from soda. It's definitely a conscious effort to live a healthy lifestyle. This blog has helped me keep myself accountable, and it's a great place to just jot my thoughts and feelings. Because usually I would be searching the cupboards and fridge for something to snack on. 

My biggest fear is still that and the same. I never want to wear a 40+ size again. I never want to shop around the double and triple X's. I never want to feel like everyone is looking at me, and I never want to have my emotional eating take control of me. This is all new to me again, but I'm definitely willing to do whatever it takes. Today was the first step...healthy choices w/ food...and hitting the gym and instead of chomping on those chips and fries. 

This is my "new way" to "deal w/ stress". I've come this far, it's only going to get better, I promise you.