Saturday, April 30, 2011

1 hat reward.

I have a collection of hats.

I was thinking to myself, what better way to keep my collection going then using it as motivation. 
For every 5 lbs that I lose, I will purchase 1 hat. A hat that will have meaning and something out of the ordinary from what I would buy from the norm. 

All in all, I need to collect 7 hats to get to my goal. 150-155. 

So here it is...the hat collection goal. Starting...now! :) 

I will round up to 190 since I'm 187.5...the goal for now is 185. let's go!


Friday, April 29, 2011

Sunshine.

I'm in dire need of sunshine.

I've been a little bit more BLAH lately. I love working nights, but this lack of sunlight is killing me. I seriously only get to see maybe an hour or two of sun when I'm working. which is more than half the week. 

School has taught me that getting sunshine and the type of weather you have, plays a role in what your mood will be. I guess that and being stressed out at work (because I'm new, still learning and still trying to find my niche) is why I've been so out of it lately. 

Guess I gotta make the use of my days off, but it's either sleep or being out? Which one will it be? For now...I guess sleep wins. Maybe I'll sleep outside next time? 

Off to work :)

Thursday, April 28, 2011

I'm ready.

I can't be satisfied with being below 190.
Sure that's a huge achievement, especially coming down from 230. But I can't just start living like how I was living when I got to 230. 

That's natural, when your clothes start to fit much more loose, and people are telling you you're starting to look better, that you let yourself slip a little bit. I've let that happen the past 3 weeks. But by me losing weight, should motivate me to lose more weight. I still have a LONG way to go before I'm out of the water. 

It's pretty much like I was the bad student getting F's in class...and I've made some good improvement and now I'm up to a D+ and my teachers and everyone around me is telling me how good I'm doing and how much I'm improving. Then I start being complacent and start reverting back to old habits, and sooner or later I'm going to be at F status again. I want to keep pushing and make my way up to the C's which for me is 180's, then up to the B's which are 170's and push it to the 160's to get that A that I want...and to give me that + I need to work that much harder to get that A+ that I had before. 

I'm ready to recommit myself to not only the nutrition part, but to exercising daily or at least 4-5x a week. I know it's going to be difficult with my work schedule and sleeping schedule because I work night shifts, but that shouldn't be an excuse to not get at least 30 to 45 minutes of exercise 4-5x a week. This is what's going to separate me from others who are trying to lose weight. To lose that first few pounds is relatively easy (not really), but getting over that hump and getting to where you really want to be is the challenge. I believe in myself and that's what's gonna take me to the next stage. I've past the first 2 stages. Losing 40 pounds. But this next 20 is going to be much harder. 

I'm focused and ready. 
Let's go.
BST.TLF.
Russy

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Moving way too fast.

All I want and need is for things to slow down. 

The past 2 months have been crazy months. I went from doing absolutely nothing since I passed my board exams in September, to having extreme exhaustion from worked starting late February. 

I'm so grateful and thankful that God has given me this opportunity to share His love, through my care as a nurse, and I don't go a day without letting Him know that. I've been blessed to work in a hospital that caters not only to the physical aspect of an individual, but more importantly having an environment which nurtures them emotionally and spiritually. 

Sometimes I'm guilty of not taking care of my own self, and I guess that comes with the territory of being a nurse and being so busy. But Jesus always wants us to know that He is always there. Even though I forget to pray or to turn to Him, He doesn't. These have been some hard and trying months. I've been more snappy then I usually am, and being tired does affect what kind of person I am. 

My prayer today is: 
Lord,
Give me the patience. The patience to live each day with one thing in mind, and that is to serve You. I've grown up believing that You will never give us anything that we cannot handle, thus I place my whole life in Your hands Father and allow you to take me and mold me into what you want me to become, and not who I think I should become.

There are days when I don't feel like getting up, because all I want to do is rest. But that is a lost opportunity to do and fulfill the work that you have set up for us to complete here on earth. 

Help me oh Lord to be a vessel, in any and every way possible. Forgive me Lord for my transgressions and for my short comings. I know I've let you down so many times, but time and time again, you tug on my heart and I know that You are working in me. 

This life we live here is short, but the life we have here is important, because of the impact we can be to turn others to you. Oh Lord, I can't wait till that day You come and take us home. You've promised us your second coming, and the things here on earth we worry about is nothing to worry about at all. Help us to understand that, and to keep our hearts and goals in the right place and that is to serve You and You alone. 

Thank you Father for all that you've done for me, and as fast as everything is going right now. Give me a sense of peace today that You are with us every step of the way. 

I love you Jesus. 
Your son, 
Russy

Work Hard. Hard Work.

Like I've said a MILLION times on this blog, nothing comes easy to me. I mean absolutely nothing. I've worked hard at pretty much everything in life that I've needed and wanted to have. It's nothing to complain about, but something that remains a constant challenge to me. 

I wake up each morning, thankful for another opportunity to become something, and to prove to myself that I am capable of anything. I'm a hard worker by nature, especially when things are on the line. I am backtracking on this weight loss journey, and it's human nature for it to happen. 

But there comes a time when I need to get consumed in it again, and have it take over my life in order to get to where I want to be. April was a "make it or break it" type of month, and I've regressed, tremendously. It's something I'm not proud of, but something that I can definitely change. 

This is my 3rd commitment to hard work, determination and the drive to succeed. I am the only one who can change all of this. I don't want to ever become the person I was a year ago, because that person had no drive and no self respect and be healthy. 

I will do this and I won't let myself fail again.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Plain and Simple.

I need to get back on track. Like now.

Monday, April 11, 2011

I just want to do well & succeed.

I'm always driven to do something. With my new job, I don't want to let anyone down. This is what I want to do, this is what I went to school for. To be a good nurse and to make this a way that God can show Himself to others, through the love that I give to them. 

The only thing I want right now, is to do well and succeed. People have been telling me from day one, don't be too hard on yourself, because it's going to take time. I know it will, but I've never been patient, especially when things come to me slower and I learn at a much slower pace.

God has been so good to me & my family. He has never left our side and has given us so much to be thankful for, that we should pass it on. The Lord has brought me through so many obstacles, some which I never thought I would over come, but with Him, ALL things are possible. 

As frustrated as I am at times w/ work, that I'm not getting it as fast as I'd like to, I need to come in with an open and receptive mind (which I always do). Tonight as I go into work, I pray these things:

Dear Father in Heaven, 

Come into my life today. Not only as a nurse, but as a person who is seeking to know you more. 
I am anxious for tonight, for I want to do well and succeed. Those things are only possible with You. 
There is nothing in this world that I can do by myself. Because sooner or later, I will fail. 
Lord I ask that You please guide my every step and my move that I make.
May it be You leading the way, me doing my part, and us doing this together.
Father, I am truly thankful for every opportunity you have given me in my life.
I know I haven't been the most perfect by any means, but I know you are always working in my life.
Today is a brand new day, a new week to follow, and another day I can ask you Lord to guide me. 
Forgive me Lord for my short comings for I know I have fallen, but you pick me up each time. 
Thank dear Lord for being the God that You are to my family and I.
We owe our lives to you, for we should live each day for You, and You alone.
Be with us now Father, for we are nothing without you, and able to do all things by your strength. 
Bless the world Lord, for we all need you in our lives. 
I love you Lord.

Always, 
Russy

Friday, April 8, 2011

I'm hungry for it.

I want this bad. I want to get down in weight. Feel & stay healthy. There is an ultimate goal, but my mind is strictly focused on the mini goals that I have. This 50 pound weight loss challenge in 1 year is going to be hard.  

I mean, from December 9th, 2010 till February of this year...I had already lost nearly 30 pounds. Probably close to 26 to be exact. So from February till now It's been about 12-15. So speaking numbers, if I'm going to reach this challenge of getting back down to 150 pounds, I would've had to come down from 230 lbs making that a whopping 80 pound weight loss in a year. 

That's a stretch. I know 230 is a pretty big number, especially for a guy of my height. And even people who have personal trainings, go to retreat centers to lose the weight, and who have the type of money to hire nutritionists and people to formulate their workouts to prevent plateaus would be AMAZED and proud of a 80+ pound loss. 

That is the challenge for me. I'm hungry to prove that someone who doesn't have the time of day to get 3-4 hour workouts in can still do it and do it healthfully. In the past when I was at my peak shape, I took a lot of supplements (hydroxycut, lipo-6, xendrine, ripped fuel, redline) you name it, I tried every weight loss supplement and drink I can probably get my hands on (except for ephedra, cause it was illegal at that time), but I cheated to get down to my weight. I don't get me wrong, I still worked my ass off at the gym, but I had a little boost from all of these supplements.

This time around I want to do it as naturally as possible. I don't know, maybe I'm writing this blog out of frustration because I've been at the same weight number of 188 for 3 weeks. I have had some changes to my sleep and workout schedule, but have remained with my diet during the week, and I guess I am hitting the dreaded plateau. 

I'll have to lose another 8 pounds for the remaining 3 weeks of April, so it's going to be a lot more hard work ahead. I always tell people, it's not about the numbers on the scale that determine how you feel inside or how you are changing. I get that, but sometimes it can just get frustrating. I know I'm not putting in daily workouts for 2-3 hours at a time, and maybe that's what I need. To sacrifice some sleep and get more workouts in. As for now, sleep is more important to me, so I don't get sick. But I might need to sacrifice an hour or two to get that calorie burn during the day. 

I'M EXTREMELY HUNGRY FOR THIS! I want this like I've never wanted it before. I'm looking in the mirror and I see the determination that I use to once wear on my face. I see a guy who wants to be healthy and share it will people so they too can get healthy. Plateau's are normal, and being frustrated won't do me any good. I just have to work out harder and stay motivated. This is my journey to share and mine to keep going. 

To health. 
BST.TLF 
Russy

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Built to do this.

I've always been built on motivation.

At the beginning of this journey, it was a friendly competition w/ my friend Jordz and shall I say that I brought it every single day and was driven. Every body around me could see it. I don't joke around when something is on the line. 

I'm still about living healthy and dropping weight, but somewhere along the way, I lost the extreme motivation. I feel like I'm just running through the motions. Which is great because I'm living a healthy lifestyle. But am I maximizing my potential? No.

The feeling of satisfaction is there, and I don't want to get content. April, like I said in the past, is a make or break it type of month for me. It's one of those months where I feel like I can either regress, or make leaps and bounds to getting where I want to get. 

In the past, I made what people said to more or what people did to me my motivation to get in shape and be healthy. I was driven because I wanted to prove those around me that I was worth something. Like my Jr. High PE coach who told me "You will never make the team because you're fat" or to ask me questions like "What does your family feed you?" or the time when the donut guy at the donut shop "You're FAT now!" or when I went to 24hr fitness for my first time and saw someone I knew...He was like "did you get married or something? Cause you got hella fat!" 

C'mon now, who isn't driven by that type of motivation. Who doesn't get heated about the things people say. Or when I think about my childhood and so many people would make fun of me. Those are the things that drive me. Something needs to drive me now, and maybe it will be those same people. I hated feeling like that, and I know I still have a long way to go, but I need to build up that anger (healthy anger that is) inside of me and generate that to make me wanna work out more and twice as hard.

The eating so far is coming easy. I know I haven't cut out the carbs yet, but am sticking to the multigrains and wheats and browns. BUT I need to workout and I need to take that energy/motivation and just bring it. I'm 6 days in the month and have only had 2 workouts. 4 days of laziness. 

I want to prove not only to those around me, but to myself that I am built for this. I am built to succeed. Built to change and change big. I am ready....I have 10 pounds to lose in 25 days. It's going to be hard, but if that's not motivating, I don't know what's going to motivate me.

Let's go. 
BST.TLF. 
Russy

Monday, April 4, 2011

My growth as a person.

When you're younger, you always wonder "how did my parents get to where they are today?" I asked the question, "why do they think the way they think" and "how when did they turn from thinking like a young person, to thinking like an adult"? 

The past 6-7 years was that turning point for me. Post high school graduation, even after my crash course summer school session before my freshman year of college, I still had the immature mind of a teenager, not really knowing what I truly wanted to do in life, or how to handle certain situations. I didn't know what it felt like to really battle adversity or stand up for myself, I didn't know who I really was. People always say the line "I just need to find myself"...well, I wasn't even trying to find myself the past couple years, I just did. 

I've been through so many ups and downs during this time, from school troubles, to relationships, to physical problems, to my relationship w/ God...I definitely had life changing situations. This is the time where I really grew up and found myself. In these times where I learned how to stand up for myself, or learned how to take a rotten situation and turn it into a positive, I needed these times to grow into the man I've become today. 

This all probably sounds cliche to all of you reading this, but this truly answered my question growing up, of how did my own parents grow into where they are today? To say that we stop growing at certain age is ridiculous, because we are always growing, always learning and always finding ways to make ourselves better. But reflecting back on all these years and how different I was when I was a senior in high school till now a working man who has bills to pay, is immense. 

You learn a long the way, you grow along the way. But the one constant that I've had through this journey was God. Jesus has been there every single step of the way. He has guided me through the roughest terrain and has given me hope to carry on with each day. Even though my relationship with God has been rocky at times, I believe that if we keep striving to better our relationship and grow closer to Him, He will hear our cries and touch our hearts. I pray that I continue to grow, for He has shown me just in a short period of time what life is truly like. 

Many times I wish I was back in grade school, with little to no worries. But the reality is, our lives are built on the growth factor, but its in these journey's where we can rise to the occasion or fall in the midst of the adversity that is presented in our paths.

As continue on with the journey of my first "real" job, and as I continue to grow, I want to let God in and let Him lead. He is the only way, the truth and the light. I know there will be times where I want to give up, but God never gives up on me, so I should never give up on myself, because that just means I'm giving up on Him. I'm confident with Him on my side, because He has brought me out of some tough situations, always showing to me that with Him there is nothing that I cannot do. 

I wish you all the best in your walks in life. But remember that with God on your side, the road is much easier. God never promised there wouldn't be any troubles, because Jesus too when He was on this earth, had to battle through adversity, but God delivered Him at the end. Never think that you have to do everything in your life alone (even when it seems that way), God is always watching over you, always shining His light and always trying to find a way to communicate with You. He knows and hears our cries. 

Today I pray for the world, for so many of our brothers and sisters are struggling throughout the world. The end is near and the Lord is waiting for us to make a difference and make a change. I pray that my walk will lead even 1 person to seek the Lord, to see God through me. I know I may not be perfect, but if God continues to work through me, we don't have to be perfect. No one on this earth is perfect, but if we ask God to come into our lives, our imperfections will be covered by God's perfection and through Him we can complete His work of spreading His word and His love to one another. 

I love you all & I hope you start off your days, weeks & months with the Lord. 
Be blessed. 
Live. Love. Stay healthy. 
Russy