Blessed.

3am and I'm up. What's new?

Life has change plenty in the past year. If you were to ask me where I would be, who I would be with, where life would take me...I'm pretty sure my my answer would've been completely different. 

Sometimes we think we know our destiny, but things could change in the blink of an eye. To say I am much happier, is an under statement. When you try to figure things out yourself, and leave God out of it, you place yourself in a vulnerable situation. There are things we cannot control in this life, but placing it in God's hands is something we should always put first, and for years, I didn't.


I prayed and prayed each night that He would clear my mind and give me answers...I don't know if they were looking me straight in the face the whole time, but somehow I didn't see it. Although my journey has been rough, I am appreciative of the lessons I learned. I learned a lot about myself, what I truly want and how I want to raise my family. I thought before that I knew exactly what I wanted, but it took getting out of a few situations that weren't healthy in order to fully grasp what I wanted out of my life.
 
I'm sure things will change years from now, or even in the next months, but I've never felt this much clarity ever in my life. I used to wonder when I was younger, how grown ups become so mature? I guess, it's safe to say, the experiences that life throws at us, the challenges, the frustrations...all those curve balls that came out of left field, those are what makes us who we are. Life never stops teaching us, and it's important for us to grow from each one, learn from each mistake and use it to better ourselves.

I am truly blessed and fortunate to be in the situation that I'm in. To have a job that helps others, which gives me the opportunity to make a difference in the world. A family who loves, cares and supports each other...they've become my rock.  A girlfriend that understands me, loves me for who I am and who makes me feel important. Not too many people can honestly say they're are dating their "best friend"...that I am. For all my friends...you are family to me. Most importantly, I am thankful and forever grateful that I have a God who is merciful, understanding, forgiving, healing...the list goes on. God has truly blessed me, even when I've done nothing to deserve it. 

Life happens so fast. Sometimes it's proper to just sit and reflect on what life has offered, and look forward to what it still has in store. When I see all of the sick people in the hospital, I think to myself "how short life can be", how it can be taken from us in a heart beat. I wonder...have I left my mark here on earth? Have I lived my life to it's full potential?

There are still plenty of things I want to and need to work on in my life. I will never be perfect, but it never hurts to try and be the best person, son, brother, boyfriend and friend I could possibly be. Wherever the road takes me, I want God walking right beside me each and every step. 

Blessings, 
Russy  

Heavy heart.

Sometimes I just don't understand why things happen...
I know there's a reason for everything...

Just doesn't seem fair. At all.
I will keep my head up, but my heart remains heavy. 

Life goes on right? It always does. 

Hoping for a better tomorrow. Goodnight. 

Time to sleep it off.

Reminded.

March 9th, 2010: 

The day that could have changed my life forever.
What I thought was going to be a normal day, turned out to be a life changing event that impacted so many people along the way. 

I remember that day so vividly before I went to the gym. Woke up around 10 to study for my NCLEX, the quarter was winding down. 1 or 2 more weeks left and it was a free day for me. Made myself a smoothie and drank that infamous "detox tea". Headed out to the gym, and the rest was history. 

When adversity hit in your life, that's when you know who will be there and who won't. Who will go to battle with you when the times are tough and who will fade into the background. I am still so thankful to this day for all of you who prayed, visited, facebook'd, etc...you all are the reason life is worth living for. 

I could never ask for a better family. Mom, Dad, Kuya & Jenny. They brought me through it, even if I was stubborn and hard to deal with, they were there. 

*sigh*
The point of this blog is this. Life can change in a split second. That famous saying "YOLO", is so true. I am reminded that God gave me a second chance to be something for Him. To make an impact on the world. Some wrote on my facebook: "Russy wanted to make a difference in the world..." to me if there was one thing I want people to say when I die, is that...I tried to make a change. 

My goals are to bring fitness/health, music and the things that I had before I started my career...back. I love helping patients, and being a nurse is a wonderful feeling. A feeling that I am doing something for someone. But God gave me a voice and if I don't use it for Him, it'll all go away. 

Let it be that this is a new journey in my life. March 9th, 2010 will always be remembered as the day that changed my life. A reminder that I life is short, live it with meaning. Live it with the hope to change a life, change the world, make a difference. 

Love, 

Russy

The "Watch ME Transform" challenge begins.

A new year. 

A new Beginning. 

Now that I am all better. It's time to go, and go hard. 

My best friend Justin said, I'm getting the groomsmen pants for the wedding...I'm getting you a size 34. 

Uhm...haven't been that in 4-5 years. 

It's time for that to change. I'm taking this as a challenge. "34" is in reach. 

I'm probably about a "37-38" right now...so that's 4 inches I gotta lose by June 23rd.
Let's GO!

Insomnia. Work. Stress.

Still up. Lots on my mind.
Nursing is a stressful profession. I know there are many avenues in the field, but in order to get to those places you want to be, there is experience that needs to be gained in order to reach those desired positions. Being a new grad RN, I'm faced with stress day in and day out. There are many things to learn, and some, in a short period of time. 

Mistakes will be made, but the most important part of it all, is that you learn (in a safe environment). I know there is the saying, "Don't come home with the struggles or baggage from work. When you leave the work place, leave all your problems and worries at the door." That is definitely easier said than done. 

Last night, was a tough night for me. 2 ICU pts, and in our units population, pts go down and go down fast. I did the best that I possibly could. Utilized every person that I could possible use. Notified everyone that I needed to notify. But still, I felt like I didn't do enough. It's tough to come home from a long exhausting night, and feel like you came up short. 

I came into nursing because I wanted to help people. Sometimes I have to face the reality that I cannot fix every patient so they can go home perfect to their families. I am a perfectionist, with that type A personality that wants things to go a certain way. I will also admit that I am a super sensitive guy who takes things harder than most people probably would. And in a field like this, it's tough and begins to weigh on you. 

Nursing is probably one of the "quickest" occupations for burn outs, I don't know about the statistics, but it's something that can happen so easily. People come up to me all the time and say they worked 4, 5, 6, 7, 10...days in a row...and I shake my head and say, I enjoy my days off and need time to unwind. I'm trying to prevent the burnout, but sometimes it's just something that might eventually happen.

My mom has been an RN for over 30 years. She's an amazing women, a hard worker, and someone who cares for everyone. This morning I ran across a friend who works with her on her unit, who also happens to be one of my old nursing school buddies, and she told me all these good things about my mom, and a lot of them started to sound like me. I take pride in the fact that my mom raised me to be a "hard worker". Nothing I do, goes half done. Everything that I start to do, I intend to finish and finish with all the energy and effort that I can possible come forth. My goal is to be like my mom. Never take short cuts, always be safe, always do it with the utmost integrity and respect with the caring heart that God has blessed her with. 

This rant that I am on is me stressed, down, but ready to learn and do the best that I can to become the best nurse that I can possibly be. I've been working for a year now, and it's definitely been a journey. It's a new experience every day. There have been many highs and have also had its share of lows. I work with an amazing group of people at night, who genuinely care about each other and most importantly our patients. I am blessed to be able to help others like I've always wanted and to do it in a christian based institution whose motto and message is to "make man whole" and to treat not only the physical symptoms, but the spiritual and mental needs as well. 

God has been good to me, and although I haven't been the most perfect child in the world, I hope to continue to grow with Him so that I may be that person that He is proud of. I want God to be able to be smiling whatever it is I may be doing and say "well done my child". 2012 has started pretty rough, I know it's only a few days in, but I have been sick, gone through a hard first week of work and am feeling down about myself. The devil knows as much as us, about our strengths and weaknesses, just like God does. Satan knows when to pull us down, and tries to keep us there. But I won't let that happen. The Lord has brought me through so many challenging times in my life, the times I thought I would never get out, but somehow He always found a way to bring me through. 

For whatever reason it was that I was tossing and turning tonight and was inspired to write this blog, it was God who was trying to speak to me. All of my concerns, stresses were genuinely written on this blank slate out of frustration and not by premeditated or thought out thoughts. I was simply writing to release the stresses of my life. GOD ALWAYS FINDS HIS WAY TO SPEAK TO US. No matter what the devil tries to do in my life, I will hold as strong as I can on my faith and trust in the Lord that He will always bring me through. 

PSALMS 23 says:

"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever." 

My prayer for tonight is: 

Father God,

Tonight I come to you with a heavy heart. We are all human and the worldly stresses can sometimes be a burden in our lives. The life we live here is nothing like the life we will live in heaven. The answers you have for us are already written. The things we will experience in this life are all a part of your plan. Whether it may be our struggles or our triumphs, you have always and will remain by our sides. You will never leave us or forsake us. There will be times when the devil will try to bring me down, and there are times that I will fall, but Lord keep my head straight and my faith strong. Help me to fight all the temptations and all the ways that he will try to bring me down and remember that YOU LORD are the most powerful and that you will never let us handle anything that we can't handle. I give and rededicate my life to you tonight Lord, for although 2012 hasn't started out like I wanted to, it's still a fresh new start, a new beginning and a great places to start accomplishing all the goals that you want us to achieve. Help me become a better son, brother, boyfriend, friend, relative, nurse and just overall person. Help me to love and care those around me like I love myself. And help me love myself like you love me. There is a reason for everything we go through in life, and I have always believed that motto. Thank you oh Lord for each and every day of life, each and every learning experience that I have and continue to guide my path. I am forever thankful for each blessing that you continue to bestow on my family and I. Although I hardly deserve a fraction of it, help me to return the favor and complete the things you have planned for in my life. Thank you Lord for reminding me through this blog I am writing that there is nothing that YOU and I can't do together. There are no challenges that I won't be able to jump over if you are standing there by my side jumping with me. *sigh* I can't wait till you come back and take us home oh Lord. I'm ready to be in heaven with you God. I love you always. 

Your son, 

Russy

Growing up.

2012. 

Crazy how time flies. Amazing how fast we grow up and how sometimes, we don't have time to enjoy it. 

"It", is everything in between. Whatever "it" is, "it" is what you what "it" to be. 

2011 an amazing year. I didn't have time to sit back and reflect on it...cause things happened so fast. 

Maybe that's why at the very end, everything caught up to me and I got sick.
Maybe it was what I needed to ponder on the things (good and bad) that have happened. 

The Lord has truly been good to my family and I and I am thankful for everything that has gone on.

I've got everything I need, and even some of the things I want. 

I want 2012 to be the year that I "give back". 

Give back to those around me, to myself and most importantly to the person who has given me everything. God. 

I want to be a well rounded person. 

Someone who lives each day to the fullest. 

Become adventurous.

Seek every opportunity and savor the moments as they come. 

Jump off cliffs I've never jumped off before. 

Experience the world, and enjoy it with the ones I love. 

I just have this feeling in my gut, that this year has things to offer me that I can't pass. 

I'm excited.  

Starting it off sick, isn't gonna put a damper on my outlook on this year...

It's only given me the chance to sit back and look back at all the amazing things that happened in 11'. 

So cheers to the new year. 

Live. Love. Be healthy. 

<3 Russy 

5 goals for myself:

1. Lose 45 pounds (Get down to 160lbs)

2. Run a 5k 

3. Run a 10k 

4. Run the Disney half marathon 

5. Get a pair of Jordan 4's & 11's.

5 Small goals attainable goals.

Small steps to greater success. I will start with this: 

1. 20 minute walk/jog every day, 20 minutes of sunlight every day

2. 3 fruits & 1 vegetable every day

3. 2 Liters of water every day 

4. 50 pushups every day 

5. 50 crunches every day