January.

1st month of the year, concluding. This year has definitely started on the right track. My weight loss journey has definitely been interesting. It's had it's ups and downs, but definitely more ups than downs. The job hunt started to pick up, and I have an interview this Thursday on 4100 and also something brewing in Victorville.

The Lord has been good, and things are starting to fall into place. I believe that 2011 is going to be a big year. But all big things come w/ lots of hard work, sacrifice and determination. I am determined to make 2011 a year that I make many changes. Changes in all aspects of my life. Towards my health, find a job, and most importantly to spread love. The Love that God wants us to give to the world, so that they may experience Him always.

January is the beginning of something great. I look forward to February and the things it has in store for me. I pray today that God leads me through all the goods and the bads of this next month. I know I have hit some road blocks, but there is nothing that I cannot do w/ Him on my side. He is the dependable being that I can always turn to, when everything in this world fails in some way or another. I am blessed to always have a God who cares and one who listens to me, when sometimes I am too stubborn to listen. I will promise to keep God the center of my life no matter what life throws me, He's gotten me through so many trials in my life, and I am grateful for each and every one he has gotten me through. 

11 more months of this year, and I'm only going to see the light more. This is my journey w/ God and I wouldn't want to share it w/ anyone else but You Lord. :)

Anxious.

That's all.

Living in the now.

I came across a blog today on "how to lose weight". It's crazy how much losing weight has to do with our lives. I mean, some people don't even have to worry, but most people do. This girl said something along the lines of:

"Forget your past, the past is the past. Live in the now. You can't change that you ate 3 slices of cake or that pizza you ate, but you can change what's happening today and right now."   

I am guilty of indulging a little too much this weekend. Gluttony was definitely present, and I feel disgusting. I haven't consumed so much junk since I started this journey, and I hope that never happens again. Sure it was my best friends birthday, and we were celebrating, but it didn't have to continue all weekend.

But the past is the past, and the present is now and it is what you can control. Food is love, which is why when friends get together we indulge ourselves, gluttonize together. But food can also kill and make life a living hell. Pack on those pounds, add disease onto our lives and be happy no more. I can't go back and change yesterday, but I can definitely control today. This is a brand new day, a brand new week, and the choices I make now can be "healthy" and the "right" ones.

One weekend won't kill me, but put a few of them together and I'm back at square one. Time to take control of what I need to control. I can do this, and I will do this.

Basketball.

So, I played basketball for the first time today in FOREVER. Full court 5 on 5. Last time I did this, maybe 2 years ago, I almost passed out cause I was so out of shape. Today..2 games and a busted lip later. I can officially say, I finally played. 

It's hard to be careful, when every time I use to play I went all out. Like Ron Artest. haha. BUT, I think this might be the last time for awhile, I gotta take it easy on my head. No more busted lips. :)

I want one of these.

I NEVER WANT TO GET THIS FAT EVER AGAIN.

I didn't realize how fat I had truly gotten. How much I let myself go. I'm still disappointed in myself for allowing myself to make those decisions and make every excuse possible. I put the blame on everything else, but me. At 230+ lbs, I hid from everyone, I was ashamed of how I looked and it prevented me from being happy. Food eventually was what I turned to in order to get that happiness, but that only added guilt and even more problems with my weight. 

I never want to be the center of peoples conversations on, "have you seen how fat Russy got?" I never want to hide behind someone while taking a picture just to cover up how much I had let myself go.  I never want to be out of breath just walking up a flight up stairs, I'm only 25 for goodness sake.  I never want to feel like how I felt when I was younger, and how, when I go to the store people would stare at me because of how fat I was. I never want my family to worry about my health and to be afraid of how fat I can get or that I may eventually have a long term chronic illness that will take my life. I never want to let people down again. I never want to be the example of "what not to be". I never want to ever say or keep saying "Remember when I was...fit, skinny, healthy", that can be NOW and always. 

I spent the past 2 years being "the fat guy". It's time to change that.

Getting there.

The Six W's:   

Work Will Win, When Wishing Won't.

- Todd Blackledge