Blessed.

3am and I'm up. What's new?

Life has change plenty in the past year. If you were to ask me where I would be, who I would be with, where life would take me...I'm pretty sure my my answer would've been completely different. 

Sometimes we think we know our destiny, but things could change in the blink of an eye. To say I am much happier, is an under statement. When you try to figure things out yourself, and leave God out of it, you place yourself in a vulnerable situation. There are things we cannot control in this life, but placing it in God's hands is something we should always put first, and for years, I didn't.


I prayed and prayed each night that He would clear my mind and give me answers...I don't know if they were looking me straight in the face the whole time, but somehow I didn't see it. Although my journey has been rough, I am appreciative of the lessons I learned. I learned a lot about myself, what I truly want and how I want to raise my family. I thought before that I knew exactly what I wanted, but it took getting out of a few situations that weren't healthy in order to fully grasp what I wanted out of my life.
 
I'm sure things will change years from now, or even in the next months, but I've never felt this much clarity ever in my life. I used to wonder when I was younger, how grown ups become so mature? I guess, it's safe to say, the experiences that life throws at us, the challenges, the frustrations...all those curve balls that came out of left field, those are what makes us who we are. Life never stops teaching us, and it's important for us to grow from each one, learn from each mistake and use it to better ourselves.

I am truly blessed and fortunate to be in the situation that I'm in. To have a job that helps others, which gives me the opportunity to make a difference in the world. A family who loves, cares and supports each other...they've become my rock.  A girlfriend that understands me, loves me for who I am and who makes me feel important. Not too many people can honestly say they're are dating their "best friend"...that I am. For all my friends...you are family to me. Most importantly, I am thankful and forever grateful that I have a God who is merciful, understanding, forgiving, healing...the list goes on. God has truly blessed me, even when I've done nothing to deserve it. 

Life happens so fast. Sometimes it's proper to just sit and reflect on what life has offered, and look forward to what it still has in store. When I see all of the sick people in the hospital, I think to myself "how short life can be", how it can be taken from us in a heart beat. I wonder...have I left my mark here on earth? Have I lived my life to it's full potential?

There are still plenty of things I want to and need to work on in my life. I will never be perfect, but it never hurts to try and be the best person, son, brother, boyfriend and friend I could possibly be. Wherever the road takes me, I want God walking right beside me each and every step. 

Blessings, 
Russy  

Heavy heart.

Sometimes I just don't understand why things happen...
I know there's a reason for everything...

Just doesn't seem fair. At all.
I will keep my head up, but my heart remains heavy. 

Life goes on right? It always does. 

Hoping for a better tomorrow. Goodnight. 

Time to sleep it off.

Reminded.

March 9th, 2010: 

The day that could have changed my life forever.
What I thought was going to be a normal day, turned out to be a life changing event that impacted so many people along the way. 

I remember that day so vividly before I went to the gym. Woke up around 10 to study for my NCLEX, the quarter was winding down. 1 or 2 more weeks left and it was a free day for me. Made myself a smoothie and drank that infamous "detox tea". Headed out to the gym, and the rest was history. 

When adversity hit in your life, that's when you know who will be there and who won't. Who will go to battle with you when the times are tough and who will fade into the background. I am still so thankful to this day for all of you who prayed, visited, facebook'd, etc...you all are the reason life is worth living for. 

I could never ask for a better family. Mom, Dad, Kuya & Jenny. They brought me through it, even if I was stubborn and hard to deal with, they were there. 

*sigh*
The point of this blog is this. Life can change in a split second. That famous saying "YOLO", is so true. I am reminded that God gave me a second chance to be something for Him. To make an impact on the world. Some wrote on my facebook: "Russy wanted to make a difference in the world..." to me if there was one thing I want people to say when I die, is that...I tried to make a change. 

My goals are to bring fitness/health, music and the things that I had before I started my career...back. I love helping patients, and being a nurse is a wonderful feeling. A feeling that I am doing something for someone. But God gave me a voice and if I don't use it for Him, it'll all go away. 

Let it be that this is a new journey in my life. March 9th, 2010 will always be remembered as the day that changed my life. A reminder that I life is short, live it with meaning. Live it with the hope to change a life, change the world, make a difference. 

Love, 

Russy

The "Watch ME Transform" challenge begins.

A new year. 

A new Beginning. 

Now that I am all better. It's time to go, and go hard. 

My best friend Justin said, I'm getting the groomsmen pants for the wedding...I'm getting you a size 34. 

Uhm...haven't been that in 4-5 years. 

It's time for that to change. I'm taking this as a challenge. "34" is in reach. 

I'm probably about a "37-38" right now...so that's 4 inches I gotta lose by June 23rd.
Let's GO!

Insomnia. Work. Stress.

Still up. Lots on my mind.
Nursing is a stressful profession. I know there are many avenues in the field, but in order to get to those places you want to be, there is experience that needs to be gained in order to reach those desired positions. Being a new grad RN, I'm faced with stress day in and day out. There are many things to learn, and some, in a short period of time. 

Mistakes will be made, but the most important part of it all, is that you learn (in a safe environment). I know there is the saying, "Don't come home with the struggles or baggage from work. When you leave the work place, leave all your problems and worries at the door." That is definitely easier said than done. 

Last night, was a tough night for me. 2 ICU pts, and in our units population, pts go down and go down fast. I did the best that I possibly could. Utilized every person that I could possible use. Notified everyone that I needed to notify. But still, I felt like I didn't do enough. It's tough to come home from a long exhausting night, and feel like you came up short. 

I came into nursing because I wanted to help people. Sometimes I have to face the reality that I cannot fix every patient so they can go home perfect to their families. I am a perfectionist, with that type A personality that wants things to go a certain way. I will also admit that I am a super sensitive guy who takes things harder than most people probably would. And in a field like this, it's tough and begins to weigh on you. 

Nursing is probably one of the "quickest" occupations for burn outs, I don't know about the statistics, but it's something that can happen so easily. People come up to me all the time and say they worked 4, 5, 6, 7, 10...days in a row...and I shake my head and say, I enjoy my days off and need time to unwind. I'm trying to prevent the burnout, but sometimes it's just something that might eventually happen.

My mom has been an RN for over 30 years. She's an amazing women, a hard worker, and someone who cares for everyone. This morning I ran across a friend who works with her on her unit, who also happens to be one of my old nursing school buddies, and she told me all these good things about my mom, and a lot of them started to sound like me. I take pride in the fact that my mom raised me to be a "hard worker". Nothing I do, goes half done. Everything that I start to do, I intend to finish and finish with all the energy and effort that I can possible come forth. My goal is to be like my mom. Never take short cuts, always be safe, always do it with the utmost integrity and respect with the caring heart that God has blessed her with. 

This rant that I am on is me stressed, down, but ready to learn and do the best that I can to become the best nurse that I can possibly be. I've been working for a year now, and it's definitely been a journey. It's a new experience every day. There have been many highs and have also had its share of lows. I work with an amazing group of people at night, who genuinely care about each other and most importantly our patients. I am blessed to be able to help others like I've always wanted and to do it in a christian based institution whose motto and message is to "make man whole" and to treat not only the physical symptoms, but the spiritual and mental needs as well. 

God has been good to me, and although I haven't been the most perfect child in the world, I hope to continue to grow with Him so that I may be that person that He is proud of. I want God to be able to be smiling whatever it is I may be doing and say "well done my child". 2012 has started pretty rough, I know it's only a few days in, but I have been sick, gone through a hard first week of work and am feeling down about myself. The devil knows as much as us, about our strengths and weaknesses, just like God does. Satan knows when to pull us down, and tries to keep us there. But I won't let that happen. The Lord has brought me through so many challenging times in my life, the times I thought I would never get out, but somehow He always found a way to bring me through. 

For whatever reason it was that I was tossing and turning tonight and was inspired to write this blog, it was God who was trying to speak to me. All of my concerns, stresses were genuinely written on this blank slate out of frustration and not by premeditated or thought out thoughts. I was simply writing to release the stresses of my life. GOD ALWAYS FINDS HIS WAY TO SPEAK TO US. No matter what the devil tries to do in my life, I will hold as strong as I can on my faith and trust in the Lord that He will always bring me through. 

PSALMS 23 says:

"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever." 

My prayer for tonight is: 

Father God,

Tonight I come to you with a heavy heart. We are all human and the worldly stresses can sometimes be a burden in our lives. The life we live here is nothing like the life we will live in heaven. The answers you have for us are already written. The things we will experience in this life are all a part of your plan. Whether it may be our struggles or our triumphs, you have always and will remain by our sides. You will never leave us or forsake us. There will be times when the devil will try to bring me down, and there are times that I will fall, but Lord keep my head straight and my faith strong. Help me to fight all the temptations and all the ways that he will try to bring me down and remember that YOU LORD are the most powerful and that you will never let us handle anything that we can't handle. I give and rededicate my life to you tonight Lord, for although 2012 hasn't started out like I wanted to, it's still a fresh new start, a new beginning and a great places to start accomplishing all the goals that you want us to achieve. Help me become a better son, brother, boyfriend, friend, relative, nurse and just overall person. Help me to love and care those around me like I love myself. And help me love myself like you love me. There is a reason for everything we go through in life, and I have always believed that motto. Thank you oh Lord for each and every day of life, each and every learning experience that I have and continue to guide my path. I am forever thankful for each blessing that you continue to bestow on my family and I. Although I hardly deserve a fraction of it, help me to return the favor and complete the things you have planned for in my life. Thank you Lord for reminding me through this blog I am writing that there is nothing that YOU and I can't do together. There are no challenges that I won't be able to jump over if you are standing there by my side jumping with me. *sigh* I can't wait till you come back and take us home oh Lord. I'm ready to be in heaven with you God. I love you always. 

Your son, 

Russy

Growing up.

2012. 

Crazy how time flies. Amazing how fast we grow up and how sometimes, we don't have time to enjoy it. 

"It", is everything in between. Whatever "it" is, "it" is what you what "it" to be. 

2011 an amazing year. I didn't have time to sit back and reflect on it...cause things happened so fast. 

Maybe that's why at the very end, everything caught up to me and I got sick.
Maybe it was what I needed to ponder on the things (good and bad) that have happened. 

The Lord has truly been good to my family and I and I am thankful for everything that has gone on.

I've got everything I need, and even some of the things I want. 

I want 2012 to be the year that I "give back". 

Give back to those around me, to myself and most importantly to the person who has given me everything. God. 

I want to be a well rounded person. 

Someone who lives each day to the fullest. 

Become adventurous.

Seek every opportunity and savor the moments as they come. 

Jump off cliffs I've never jumped off before. 

Experience the world, and enjoy it with the ones I love. 

I just have this feeling in my gut, that this year has things to offer me that I can't pass. 

I'm excited.  

Starting it off sick, isn't gonna put a damper on my outlook on this year...

It's only given me the chance to sit back and look back at all the amazing things that happened in 11'. 

So cheers to the new year. 

Live. Love. Be healthy. 

<3 Russy 

5 goals for myself:

1. Lose 45 pounds (Get down to 160lbs)

2. Run a 5k 

3. Run a 10k 

4. Run the Disney half marathon 

5. Get a pair of Jordan 4's & 11's.

5 Small goals attainable goals.

Small steps to greater success. I will start with this: 

1. 20 minute walk/jog every day, 20 minutes of sunlight every day

2. 3 fruits & 1 vegetable every day

3. 2 Liters of water every day 

4. 50 pushups every day 

5. 50 crunches every day

Thankful.

Work/Jobs.

Many have this negative connotation correlating to the word "work. The same people have the tendency to also complain of not having a job or wishing they had one at one point in their lives. 

This is partially me. I have complained about the stresses of my job. The demands and expectations are definitely tough, but as a registered nurse, these expectations are vital in order for a person to grow and help the unit achieve as a whole. 

Thinking back when I was struggling to find a job, sending out application after application, even thinking of moving out of state in order to start my career, it's crazy to think that I even complain of being tired from work these days. Sure the body needs rest, but there is definitely nothing to complain about. I am utterly thankful and grateful that the Lord has given me this opportunity to serve Him. 

I'm in a field where healing the body in a wholistic manner is key. Not only are we physically present, but emotionally, spiritually and pyschosocially catering to our patients needs. I get that tingling feeling every time I get to speak to a patient about God and pray with them. It's satisfying and a feeling I just can't describe to know that we are sharing a moment with God and allowing Him to heal, because only God can heal. Doctors, nurses and all other health care workers can attempt to get a sick person healed, but only God can take a sickness and make it disappear like it never happened. 

There will be days where I question whether or not I want to be a nurse. There will be days where I get yelled at or make a mistake that will get me down a little. There will be days where I will feel tired and wish I was home. There will be times when I'm struggling and just want to run and hide.

But through all the struggles, I am thankful. Thankful I have a job that can put food on the table, clothes on my back, pay the bills and just get my life started for the future. I'm blessed to have a job that is built to help others get better, get back on their feet and live their lives. I have been blessed by many patients. Patients who come in sick as a dog, but who look at life as a gift, take it day by day and are still thankful that God has given them each day to live. 

Throughout nursing school I would always say this prayer:
"Lord if this is the field that you want me to be in, let me know, show me a sign, make it clear". I've gone through so many hurdles in order to get here. I never thought I would ever make it, but I'm here. It took a lot out of me. Plenty of tears and anxious days. I pray that the Lord continue to guide me in my work so that I may have the ability to heal others in wholeness. 

Simply put it this way, I am thankful, blessed and ever so grateful for this opportunity. 

Be blessed. 

Live. Love. Be healthy. 

Russy

Life happens so quick.

Life happens so quickly. 

I'm sitting here 26 years old, wondering where the time has gone. I sit back in a nostalgic state, day dreaming, wishing I was a kid again. Times back then were so innocent. No bills to pay, No exhausting work days, and definitely a whole lot less stress and worries. 

The days where all I ever cared about was going to school, hanging out with friends, playing sports and sometimes turning in my homework are now over and real life has kicked it.

Lately, I've been feeling this deep sense of nostalgia. From the care free days at LLA, to trying to find myself at LSU, all the way to my life changing times in nursing school at LLU. Some days I just catch myself wishing to go back to the carefree life of a student, when all I had to do was wake up put on a pair of basketball shorts and hoodie and get to class.

I used to wonder as a child, what it was like and how "growing up" exactly happened. Well, it's happened and always still happening. But now it's real. Putting in all these hours at work, paying the bills and now thinking about life after college (Marriage, buying houses, kids, etc...) It's an exciting but scary thing. Never did I ever imagine that it would happen so fast, but as 30 approaches, it's becoming more and more a part of life than a distant wonder in a child's mind. 

I'm blessed to have the life that I have and I am thankful to the Lord every day for the things that He has blessed me with and continues to bless me with. The best family ever, a girlfriend who I can't wait to marry, food on the table, clothes on my back...I want to give back to God and that is what's in my heart. Whether it is volunteering to help the community (feed the homeless, etc...) or whatever it may be. From here on out, especially started 2012, it's going to be a HUGE part of my life and hopefully those around me.

Life happens so fast and I want to make a difference.
It's not about what you can do for yourself, but what you can do for GOD and others. 

I'm ready to take a step into making a change in this world. When life flashes before your eyes, like it did to me last year, I should spread the love of God to others and hope to bring joy in their lives. 

To life, love & health. 

Always, 

Russy 

My prayer for today:
 

Dear Gracious God, 

I come to you this morning with a heavy heart. Knowing that you are speaking through me. Hoping that I will step up to making a difference. I hear you oh God, and I am ready for you to use me in anyway possible.

You have continued to grant me blessings in my life that I don't deserve, yet you continue to do so and all I do is accept, and do so without giving back. Forgive me Lord for all the times I have had the opportunity to serve you, but stayed where I was and didn't make a move. 

Today with an open heart, I give my all to you father. Give me the strength and courage to get back in the community as I did as a kid and serve you with all that you have blessed me with. Help me to seek you in all that I do, so that I may be ready to tackle any situation you place me in. 

I love you Lord and today is a new day where I can start fresh. 

Bless us now Lord Jesus, help us to be more like you. 

Amen.

10 pound challenge.

Give me 2 weeks to lose 10 pounds. 

This is it...I need to stop making excuses and start working out hard. 

The diet comes and goes. When weekends hit, I slip a little bit.
BUT it's time to get to 180. 

Small steps. 

I'm a hair over 190...and 180 is definitely attainable. 

Here we go....By Friday October 14th. I will be in the 180 range (2 pounds over, or 2 pounds under) 

I'm GONNA DO THIS.

Ribs.

Messed em up...again.

Why? 

I was doing so good, and now this.
Guess I gotta find other ways to stay active for now...

My dream.

Is to move to the Island. Hawaii is my home away from home. 

One day...

Torn between 2 diets...

So, I'm super torn. 

In the past, I use to do the high protein, low to no carb diet (besides fruits/veggies). 

But now a days, I am leaning more towards to raw/vegan/peskitarian diet.

The thing that sucks is...I'm not losing weight as fast on the raw/vegan diet and I know the other one works. 

Although I know that it's probably better/more healthy for me to be on the vegan, I know I'll lose weight faster (and it's proven for me at least) to do the high pro/low carb.

I'm thinking to myself, maybe I'll do the high protein/low carb diet until I reach about 165-170, continue to live my life as raw/vegan as I possibly can. 

Well, here goes...starting Monday, I'm going back to my regular high pro/low carb diet.
Time to shed another 20 pounds!
The goal is 150 by next summer. Initially, it was suppose to be by December, but a few bumps in the road kept me from getting there.
Let's do this. Do it big. Do it hard. and Do it like the old me!
Blood. Sweat & Tears. 

Russ

Create in me a clean heart.

Dear Lord, 

As I live this life on earth, may you keep changing me. Keep working through me, so that others may see you through me. Create in me a clean heart, because the only way people will see the truth is if I am changed myself. I long to have you closer and closer, for you are all we need in our lives Lord. You are the only thing in this world that will complete us. You have blessed me with a wonderful family, relationship, friends and job...but Lord those things can be taken from me in a second. You Lord are the only constant. 

Help me to strive to become the person you want me to become. Lord today I give my life to you in full so that you may use me in any way that you want. As a nurse, a musician, or just a person walking the streets. Continue oh Lord to tug at my heart and show those around me that You are all we need. Forgive me now oh God for the sins that I've committed to you. Shadow them with my acceptance of your Love. Thank you Lord in advance for all that you will continue to do in my life.

Bless all those around me who I love. Keep them close to your heart as well. 

I love you father. 

Love always, 

Russy

Anxious & Stressed.

These last few days at work have been extremely stress. (super understatement). 

I tend to stress out on things that I probably shouldn't stress about, but when it comes to things I do need to stress about, I tend to let it get to me, a lot. 

There are some things we can't go back and change, where we wish we could. But God is always there, watching over us. He is our Rock and our shelter when we need Him.
I get so consumed in this world, that I forget what I really need to focus on is my relationship w/ Christ. He is our constant and our everything.
As anxious and stressed as I've been, God has given me the comfort I need. I continue to pray that in any aspect of my life, that God takes the lead and does the things that He needs to do in order to make me whatever He wants me to become. To use me in places where I would've never thought to be used. 

Stress is a part of life, but how you handle it and who you turn to is the thing that will make the difference. God has been there from day 1 and I will continue to turn to Him in all that I do. 

God, you are my shelter in the time of storms.

7 day cleanse...

Well, this blog is a little past due, but definitely worth writing. 

So last week, I set forth on a journey to go on a fruits & veggies (raw) 7 day cleanse. Followed by a 30 day juice fast. 

Half way through my cleanse, I realized that a 30 day juice fast, might be nearly impossible, only for the fact that being at work and trying to get sleep & having the time to prep fruits & juice them would be  a pretty hard task.
I can definitely juice a few days out of the week, but for 30 days, it would just be too much work. If I had someone juicing all my juices for me, I wouldn't mind doing it at all. 

Anyway, by the end of my fruits & veggies only week, I was feeling fabulous. I felt like I slimmed down. My energy was up and it just felt good to be eating healthy again. What you put in your body is definitely want you're going to get out of it. 

So, I've come to the conclusion that for this month, I'm going to do a 6 day fruits & veggies only cleanse, and on day seven, break that cleanse and eat anything I want (trying to stay w/ the vegan/vegetarian options). 

I'm hoping that by the start of 2012, to be 80-90% vegan/vegetarian. I most likely won't cut out fish for the time being, but eventually I want to be a vegetarian and try as hard as I can to be vegan. I'm going to take small steps, but I find it fulfilling in so many ways to live my life this way.
So day 1 is complete of the 2nd week...here goes :) 

Live. Love. Be Healthy. 

Russy

By next year...I'll look like this...

The feeling of getting fat.

Is a horrible feeling. 

It makes me cringe. 
Yet, I know that's what's happening when I eat bad. But I still somehow do it. 

Although I haven't gone back up to 230, I'm near there. Hovering around 200lbs is a shame.
I've been so good until about a month and a half ago, and the weight is slowly creeping up on me. 

I won't let it happen, I just can't.
A couple years ago, I stopped caring. I thought well, I've been the fat guy...might as well be the fat guy. 

But the fact that I hated going out and one of the reasons I stopped playing music, is what makes me want to change.

The feeling of people knowing you're gaining weight & not saying anything gets to me.

I'm still at the phase where it's catch(able) and not too late to change.
Nobody likes to be in the"full blown" stage, where they feel like it's impossible to turn back. 

I'm at the place where I few tweaks here and there and I'll be back on my way to being where I want to me. 

Everything is a mental game with me. Psyching myself out and making me believe and follow my routine. 

I vow that 26 will be a year that changes my life. 

26 will be a year I look back and say, I managed to stop all the talk and do the walk. 

It's where dreams become reality. To finally be in the 150-60's.
I want to be the guy that everyone says "How did you do it?" "tell me your secret" 

And I'll I'm going to say is, hard work, dedication, commitment and a lot of luck being healthy. 

Whatever it is that is stopping me, won't stop me any more. 

This is my time.
This is me going back to being serious about it. 

This is me achieving my goals. No questions asked.

You are what you eat.

What you put in your body is what you're going to get out.

I've been extremely lethargic the past few weeks, only because I've only been eating junk. 

No veggies, fruits. Just good tasting, unhealthy, fatty foods that make you feel like sh!t. 

Never did I think I would get sick by eating so much junk.
Well, that's what's happening and it doesn't feel good. 

Even after just 1 day of just fruits & veggies...I feel a whole lot better. 

I've been drinking more water vs soda and have really noticed a difference. 

Our bodies are like cars, when you decide to put ARCO gas, your car suffers. 

When you put something like Cheveron or Union 76, you put real food/fuel into your ride. 

The saying, "you are what you eat" is so true. 

I've been eating junk...I feel like trash. Lethargic. Unmotivated. Unhappy. You name it. 

Sure I feel good for the first 20-30 minutes while consuming these meals.
But after that, I feel guilty and dissatisfied, because an hour later, I'm craving more of these foods.
Yet when my body is really wanting some "real" nutrients. 

Getting past this 7 day fruits & veggies cleanse, followed by my attempt at a 30 day juice fast, will definitely be a challenge. 

One that I'm looking forward to and one that I know will be partly or even mainly mental.  

26 is going to be a year where I get back into shape & will treat my body with care.
I am what I eat...

I will treat my body like the temple that it should be. 

To life.
Live. Love. Be healthy.
Russy

26 and the journey continues

25 was a crazy, life changing year. 

Plenty of ups & equally as many downs.
But one thing I learned is that I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me. 

He has given me a heart to love and a mind that can achieve anything w/ effort. 

I'm blessed & thankful for all my struggles & successes. I will continue to grow. 

My life is just getting started. I have so many things to look forward to, and I'm prepared. 

Been through plenty of experiences to get me through & hoping for new ones that will make me stronger. 

I begin 26 w/ a cleanse. 

A cleanse to clear my mind, body, soul and spirit. 

The last year was rocky...physically draining and challenging.
I vow to change my bad habits into good ones, and will continue to strive for a healthy lifestyle.
Time to clear the mind, treat my body with respect and do things the right way.

Gonna start this "birth" year out right. No more turning back. 

To life & health. 

Live. Love. Be Healthy 

Russy