The world moves in such a speed, that we forget to slow down. I've been the type of person who constantly needs to be achieving something and feeling the sense of fulfillment. The fear of failure and disappoint has jolted this obsession in my life. Whether it was finishing school, doing my music or whatever task it was, it needed to be done and done at a certain time frame.
I always hated when there were roadblock that would prevent me from achieving my goals at the time I wanted or planned on getting there. Before college started, I entered my senior year and set my goals. I patterned my journey like most of my fellow classmates, and felt the need to compete with them or at least keep up to par with the ones who would be in the same major as me, which was nursing. I set the course of doing my pre-reqs in a year and a quarter which is pretty much the length of 12 months, instead of doing the traditional two year route. I focused, and failed to obtain the grades that I wanted to get. I came in applying for nursing schools at an overall gpa of 3.4, and a 2.9 gpa of core science classes. This was an accomplishment to me, being that I was taking 19 units a quarter. But did it get me into nursing school? Nope, I had to wait 2 quarters on a waiting list before being eligible.
This was the initial wake up call, that my journey would not go as planned. By trying to model my path like my fellow classmates, set me up for failure and disappointment. What I should have done was listen to my own understanding of myself and create a path that I knew was good for me, and the plan that GOD has set out for me. Or maybe this was the plan that God had set out for me? I learned a lot from this first glimpse of struggles and when I realized that "TIMING" was an essence of life. Everybody's time clocks are different and it's a matter of finding out when "your" time is, but more importantly when God has set out for you.
When I couldn't get a job from the time I gradated and passed my board exams, I wondered why? I had a number of sleepless nights, eager to know my future of when and how? How will everything work out? Then I remembered my first struggle 'timing". There is a reason for every part of our lives, and it's a matter of us understanding that reason. When I took the 9-10 month break away from school while waiting to get into the nursing program, I realized that God wanted me to "rest and relax" to take some time off for myself, because school really did a number on my stress and anxiety levels. He knew that I would struggle throughout nursing school, and that I needed to regain my focus before attempting this, so I thought, unattainable goal. The same goes for when I was waiting for Job. As much as I wanted a job so badly, He waited to get me the right one and when my mind was clear and when physically I could be capable to do the job, especially after my accident. God always has a way out, no matter how difficult it may be.
I understand now that God is always waiting for the perfect time to tell us why He is doing what He is doing. As much as we don't understand at that particular time, the Lord is always eager to show us the way. He is always wanting us to remember to TRUST Him in our lives. Our walks are all different. We all have different obstacles, and God is testing our resilience and our faith in Him. It's never on our time, but on His time. I use this analogy all the time, but we need to quit trying to be in the driver seat of our lives and let Him lead us. I struggle with this all the time. When things are good, I say, I'll take it from here. When the entire time, it should be Lord lead me...if this is the path you want me to take, show me as clear as you can show me, but if there's a different one you want me to take, show me, guide me for Lord I put my trust in You.
Life is built on timing. We've gone through life, experiencing different things so that we may be able to share this knowledge with someone else. So we can use it to better ourselves so we won't make the same mistakes the next time around. Our lives are built around growth. The maturation process of a person is by far one of the most interesting things anyone can study. I'm blessed to have had a journey where I have encountered a number of lessons in life that will help me get through these challenges.
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