5 Small goals attainable goals.

Small steps to greater success. I will start with this: 

1. 20 minute walk/jog every day, 20 minutes of sunlight every day

2. 3 fruits & 1 vegetable every day

3. 2 Liters of water every day 

4. 50 pushups every day 

5. 50 crunches every day

Thankful.

Work/Jobs.

Many have this negative connotation correlating to the word "work. The same people have the tendency to also complain of not having a job or wishing they had one at one point in their lives. 

This is partially me. I have complained about the stresses of my job. The demands and expectations are definitely tough, but as a registered nurse, these expectations are vital in order for a person to grow and help the unit achieve as a whole. 

Thinking back when I was struggling to find a job, sending out application after application, even thinking of moving out of state in order to start my career, it's crazy to think that I even complain of being tired from work these days. Sure the body needs rest, but there is definitely nothing to complain about. I am utterly thankful and grateful that the Lord has given me this opportunity to serve Him. 

I'm in a field where healing the body in a wholistic manner is key. Not only are we physically present, but emotionally, spiritually and pyschosocially catering to our patients needs. I get that tingling feeling every time I get to speak to a patient about God and pray with them. It's satisfying and a feeling I just can't describe to know that we are sharing a moment with God and allowing Him to heal, because only God can heal. Doctors, nurses and all other health care workers can attempt to get a sick person healed, but only God can take a sickness and make it disappear like it never happened. 

There will be days where I question whether or not I want to be a nurse. There will be days where I get yelled at or make a mistake that will get me down a little. There will be days where I will feel tired and wish I was home. There will be times when I'm struggling and just want to run and hide.

But through all the struggles, I am thankful. Thankful I have a job that can put food on the table, clothes on my back, pay the bills and just get my life started for the future. I'm blessed to have a job that is built to help others get better, get back on their feet and live their lives. I have been blessed by many patients. Patients who come in sick as a dog, but who look at life as a gift, take it day by day and are still thankful that God has given them each day to live. 

Throughout nursing school I would always say this prayer:
"Lord if this is the field that you want me to be in, let me know, show me a sign, make it clear". I've gone through so many hurdles in order to get here. I never thought I would ever make it, but I'm here. It took a lot out of me. Plenty of tears and anxious days. I pray that the Lord continue to guide me in my work so that I may have the ability to heal others in wholeness. 

Simply put it this way, I am thankful, blessed and ever so grateful for this opportunity. 

Be blessed. 

Live. Love. Be healthy. 

Russy

Life happens so quick.

Life happens so quickly. 

I'm sitting here 26 years old, wondering where the time has gone. I sit back in a nostalgic state, day dreaming, wishing I was a kid again. Times back then were so innocent. No bills to pay, No exhausting work days, and definitely a whole lot less stress and worries. 

The days where all I ever cared about was going to school, hanging out with friends, playing sports and sometimes turning in my homework are now over and real life has kicked it.

Lately, I've been feeling this deep sense of nostalgia. From the care free days at LLA, to trying to find myself at LSU, all the way to my life changing times in nursing school at LLU. Some days I just catch myself wishing to go back to the carefree life of a student, when all I had to do was wake up put on a pair of basketball shorts and hoodie and get to class.

I used to wonder as a child, what it was like and how "growing up" exactly happened. Well, it's happened and always still happening. But now it's real. Putting in all these hours at work, paying the bills and now thinking about life after college (Marriage, buying houses, kids, etc...) It's an exciting but scary thing. Never did I ever imagine that it would happen so fast, but as 30 approaches, it's becoming more and more a part of life than a distant wonder in a child's mind. 

I'm blessed to have the life that I have and I am thankful to the Lord every day for the things that He has blessed me with and continues to bless me with. The best family ever, a girlfriend who I can't wait to marry, food on the table, clothes on my back...I want to give back to God and that is what's in my heart. Whether it is volunteering to help the community (feed the homeless, etc...) or whatever it may be. From here on out, especially started 2012, it's going to be a HUGE part of my life and hopefully those around me.

Life happens so fast and I want to make a difference.
It's not about what you can do for yourself, but what you can do for GOD and others. 

I'm ready to take a step into making a change in this world. When life flashes before your eyes, like it did to me last year, I should spread the love of God to others and hope to bring joy in their lives. 

To life, love & health. 

Always, 

Russy 

My prayer for today:
 

Dear Gracious God, 

I come to you this morning with a heavy heart. Knowing that you are speaking through me. Hoping that I will step up to making a difference. I hear you oh God, and I am ready for you to use me in anyway possible.

You have continued to grant me blessings in my life that I don't deserve, yet you continue to do so and all I do is accept, and do so without giving back. Forgive me Lord for all the times I have had the opportunity to serve you, but stayed where I was and didn't make a move. 

Today with an open heart, I give my all to you father. Give me the strength and courage to get back in the community as I did as a kid and serve you with all that you have blessed me with. Help me to seek you in all that I do, so that I may be ready to tackle any situation you place me in. 

I love you Lord and today is a new day where I can start fresh. 

Bless us now Lord Jesus, help us to be more like you. 

Amen.

10 pound challenge.

Give me 2 weeks to lose 10 pounds. 

This is it...I need to stop making excuses and start working out hard. 

The diet comes and goes. When weekends hit, I slip a little bit.
BUT it's time to get to 180. 

Small steps. 

I'm a hair over 190...and 180 is definitely attainable. 

Here we go....By Friday October 14th. I will be in the 180 range (2 pounds over, or 2 pounds under) 

I'm GONNA DO THIS.

Ribs.

Messed em up...again.

Why? 

I was doing so good, and now this.
Guess I gotta find other ways to stay active for now...

My dream.

Is to move to the Island. Hawaii is my home away from home. 

One day...

Torn between 2 diets...

So, I'm super torn. 

In the past, I use to do the high protein, low to no carb diet (besides fruits/veggies). 

But now a days, I am leaning more towards to raw/vegan/peskitarian diet.

The thing that sucks is...I'm not losing weight as fast on the raw/vegan diet and I know the other one works. 

Although I know that it's probably better/more healthy for me to be on the vegan, I know I'll lose weight faster (and it's proven for me at least) to do the high pro/low carb.

I'm thinking to myself, maybe I'll do the high protein/low carb diet until I reach about 165-170, continue to live my life as raw/vegan as I possibly can. 

Well, here goes...starting Monday, I'm going back to my regular high pro/low carb diet.
Time to shed another 20 pounds!
The goal is 150 by next summer. Initially, it was suppose to be by December, but a few bumps in the road kept me from getting there.
Let's do this. Do it big. Do it hard. and Do it like the old me!
Blood. Sweat & Tears. 

Russ

Create in me a clean heart.

Dear Lord, 

As I live this life on earth, may you keep changing me. Keep working through me, so that others may see you through me. Create in me a clean heart, because the only way people will see the truth is if I am changed myself. I long to have you closer and closer, for you are all we need in our lives Lord. You are the only thing in this world that will complete us. You have blessed me with a wonderful family, relationship, friends and job...but Lord those things can be taken from me in a second. You Lord are the only constant. 

Help me to strive to become the person you want me to become. Lord today I give my life to you in full so that you may use me in any way that you want. As a nurse, a musician, or just a person walking the streets. Continue oh Lord to tug at my heart and show those around me that You are all we need. Forgive me now oh God for the sins that I've committed to you. Shadow them with my acceptance of your Love. Thank you Lord in advance for all that you will continue to do in my life.

Bless all those around me who I love. Keep them close to your heart as well. 

I love you father. 

Love always, 

Russy

Anxious & Stressed.

These last few days at work have been extremely stress. (super understatement). 

I tend to stress out on things that I probably shouldn't stress about, but when it comes to things I do need to stress about, I tend to let it get to me, a lot. 

There are some things we can't go back and change, where we wish we could. But God is always there, watching over us. He is our Rock and our shelter when we need Him.
I get so consumed in this world, that I forget what I really need to focus on is my relationship w/ Christ. He is our constant and our everything.
As anxious and stressed as I've been, God has given me the comfort I need. I continue to pray that in any aspect of my life, that God takes the lead and does the things that He needs to do in order to make me whatever He wants me to become. To use me in places where I would've never thought to be used. 

Stress is a part of life, but how you handle it and who you turn to is the thing that will make the difference. God has been there from day 1 and I will continue to turn to Him in all that I do. 

God, you are my shelter in the time of storms.

7 day cleanse...

Well, this blog is a little past due, but definitely worth writing. 

So last week, I set forth on a journey to go on a fruits & veggies (raw) 7 day cleanse. Followed by a 30 day juice fast. 

Half way through my cleanse, I realized that a 30 day juice fast, might be nearly impossible, only for the fact that being at work and trying to get sleep & having the time to prep fruits & juice them would be  a pretty hard task.
I can definitely juice a few days out of the week, but for 30 days, it would just be too much work. If I had someone juicing all my juices for me, I wouldn't mind doing it at all. 

Anyway, by the end of my fruits & veggies only week, I was feeling fabulous. I felt like I slimmed down. My energy was up and it just felt good to be eating healthy again. What you put in your body is definitely want you're going to get out of it. 

So, I've come to the conclusion that for this month, I'm going to do a 6 day fruits & veggies only cleanse, and on day seven, break that cleanse and eat anything I want (trying to stay w/ the vegan/vegetarian options). 

I'm hoping that by the start of 2012, to be 80-90% vegan/vegetarian. I most likely won't cut out fish for the time being, but eventually I want to be a vegetarian and try as hard as I can to be vegan. I'm going to take small steps, but I find it fulfilling in so many ways to live my life this way.
So day 1 is complete of the 2nd week...here goes :) 

Live. Love. Be Healthy. 

Russy

By next year...I'll look like this...

The feeling of getting fat.

Is a horrible feeling. 

It makes me cringe. 
Yet, I know that's what's happening when I eat bad. But I still somehow do it. 

Although I haven't gone back up to 230, I'm near there. Hovering around 200lbs is a shame.
I've been so good until about a month and a half ago, and the weight is slowly creeping up on me. 

I won't let it happen, I just can't.
A couple years ago, I stopped caring. I thought well, I've been the fat guy...might as well be the fat guy. 

But the fact that I hated going out and one of the reasons I stopped playing music, is what makes me want to change.

The feeling of people knowing you're gaining weight & not saying anything gets to me.

I'm still at the phase where it's catch(able) and not too late to change.
Nobody likes to be in the"full blown" stage, where they feel like it's impossible to turn back. 

I'm at the place where I few tweaks here and there and I'll be back on my way to being where I want to me. 

Everything is a mental game with me. Psyching myself out and making me believe and follow my routine. 

I vow that 26 will be a year that changes my life. 

26 will be a year I look back and say, I managed to stop all the talk and do the walk. 

It's where dreams become reality. To finally be in the 150-60's.
I want to be the guy that everyone says "How did you do it?" "tell me your secret" 

And I'll I'm going to say is, hard work, dedication, commitment and a lot of luck being healthy. 

Whatever it is that is stopping me, won't stop me any more. 

This is my time.
This is me going back to being serious about it. 

This is me achieving my goals. No questions asked.

You are what you eat.

What you put in your body is what you're going to get out.

I've been extremely lethargic the past few weeks, only because I've only been eating junk. 

No veggies, fruits. Just good tasting, unhealthy, fatty foods that make you feel like sh!t. 

Never did I think I would get sick by eating so much junk.
Well, that's what's happening and it doesn't feel good. 

Even after just 1 day of just fruits & veggies...I feel a whole lot better. 

I've been drinking more water vs soda and have really noticed a difference. 

Our bodies are like cars, when you decide to put ARCO gas, your car suffers. 

When you put something like Cheveron or Union 76, you put real food/fuel into your ride. 

The saying, "you are what you eat" is so true. 

I've been eating junk...I feel like trash. Lethargic. Unmotivated. Unhappy. You name it. 

Sure I feel good for the first 20-30 minutes while consuming these meals.
But after that, I feel guilty and dissatisfied, because an hour later, I'm craving more of these foods.
Yet when my body is really wanting some "real" nutrients. 

Getting past this 7 day fruits & veggies cleanse, followed by my attempt at a 30 day juice fast, will definitely be a challenge. 

One that I'm looking forward to and one that I know will be partly or even mainly mental.  

26 is going to be a year where I get back into shape & will treat my body with care.
I am what I eat...

I will treat my body like the temple that it should be. 

To life.
Live. Love. Be healthy.
Russy

26 and the journey continues

25 was a crazy, life changing year. 

Plenty of ups & equally as many downs.
But one thing I learned is that I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me. 

He has given me a heart to love and a mind that can achieve anything w/ effort. 

I'm blessed & thankful for all my struggles & successes. I will continue to grow. 

My life is just getting started. I have so many things to look forward to, and I'm prepared. 

Been through plenty of experiences to get me through & hoping for new ones that will make me stronger. 

I begin 26 w/ a cleanse. 

A cleanse to clear my mind, body, soul and spirit. 

The last year was rocky...physically draining and challenging.
I vow to change my bad habits into good ones, and will continue to strive for a healthy lifestyle.
Time to clear the mind, treat my body with respect and do things the right way.

Gonna start this "birth" year out right. No more turning back. 

To life & health. 

Live. Love. Be Healthy 

Russy

Tracker...

17 day diet & Insanity start -- July 12, 2011 

Starting weight: 195.8

Phase 1: 16 more days to go... 

Insanity: Day 3 complete...57 more to go...

Double Quarter Pound w/ Cheese...SUPER SIZED?

WTF!

I mean, c'mon...this is what I use to do when I was a little kid. Going out w/ my cousins, I would get a #4 (don't know if that's still the number), supersized, Dr. pepper, two apple pies, and a side of chicken mcnuggets. 

What a shame, what a shame.
Although I opted out of the apple pies & the chicken nuggets, it was just as bad. I've been eating like a pig and not working out. 

This can't be good. It's crazy how a few weeks can totally change you. But I'm gonna dedicate myself to "Insanity". Cause I think that's the only way I'm going to get back into shape. I bought a couple books for my kindle also about losing weight..."17 day diet"..."Raw food cleanse"...etc...the thing is, I have plenty of knowledge about the topic, yet it's all about putting it into practice...and that I am not doing at the moment. 

No more McDonald's...for SURE. 

59 more days of insanity to go!

Love, peace, kindness & generosity.

It's what the world desperately needs.

Set it up.

Got my gym clothes ready...computer all setup so all I have to do is plug it in after work to do "Insanity"...No more excuses. Just results. Let's do this. Day #1 begins tomorrow.

Going back to RAW?

I have a new desire to go raw again...RAW until my birthday (august 3rd). Minus ASAHI on friday w/ the friends...well, fish is raw right? ;)

Will the music ever come back?

Music has been M.I.A. in my life. Haven't sung, played the piano, or really did anything that would satisfy my performers craving. Something in me is just uninspired and drawn away from performing not only in public, but even alone. 

It's crazy how much I use to engulf my day w/ music. I'd get up, turn on my piano and go at it like there was no tomorrow. I would sing at the top of my lungs and create noise, because I genuinely enjoyed doing it. I've grown out of it and it's been really hard to get myself motivated to do it again. 

Honestly, I want to be back in it. But it just isn't as naturally feeling as it did before. It's a challenge to sing. I feel like I have to try 10 times harder than before. But I guess the saying "use it, or lose it" is in fact a reality. I'm wondering now, will the music ever come back? or is it a distant memory of the past?

Sad to say, but my piano is being used as a desk to place papers and clothes, and well...my voice for singing is hidden somewhere...

Sacrifice.

"Sacrifice today, for the benefits of tomorrow" - Russy Isberto

1 step at a time.

Timing...

The world moves in such a speed, that we forget to slow down. I've been the type of person who constantly needs to be achieving something and feeling the sense of fulfillment. The fear of failure and disappoint has jolted this obsession in my life. Whether it was finishing school, doing my music or whatever task it was, it needed to be done and done at a certain time frame. 

I always hated when there were roadblock that would prevent me from achieving my goals at the time I wanted or planned on getting there. Before college started, I entered my senior year and set my goals. I patterned my journey like most of my fellow classmates, and felt the need to compete with them or at least keep up to par with the ones who would be in the same major as me, which was nursing. I set the course of doing my pre-reqs in a year and a quarter which is pretty much the length of 12 months, instead of doing the traditional two year route. I focused, and failed to obtain the grades that I wanted to get. I came in applying for nursing schools at an overall gpa of 3.4, and a 2.9 gpa of core science classes. This was an accomplishment to me, being that I was taking 19 units a quarter. But did it get me into nursing school? Nope, I had to wait 2 quarters on a waiting list before being eligible. 

This was the initial wake up call, that my journey would not go as planned. By trying to model my path like my fellow classmates, set me up for failure and disappointment. What I should have done was listen to my own understanding of myself and create a path that I knew was good for me, and the plan that GOD has set out for me. Or maybe this was the plan that God had set out for me? I learned a lot from this first glimpse of struggles and when I realized that "TIMING" was an essence of life. Everybody's time clocks are different and it's a matter of finding out when "your" time is, but more importantly when God has set out for you.

When I couldn't get a job from the time I gradated and passed my board exams, I wondered why? I had a number of sleepless nights, eager to know my future of when and how? How will everything work out? Then I remembered my first struggle 'timing". There is a reason for every part of our lives, and it's a matter of us understanding that reason. When I took the 9-10 month break away from school while waiting to get into the nursing program, I realized that God wanted me to "rest and relax" to take some time off for myself, because school really did a number on my stress and anxiety levels. He knew that I would struggle throughout nursing school, and that I needed to regain my focus before attempting this, so I thought, unattainable goal. The same goes for when I was waiting for  Job. As much as I wanted a job so badly, He waited to get me the right one and when my mind was clear and when physically I could be capable to do the job, especially after my accident. God always has a way out, no matter how difficult it may be. 

I understand now that God is always waiting for the perfect time to tell us why He is doing what He is doing. As much as we don't understand at that particular time, the Lord is always eager to show us the way. He is always wanting us to remember to TRUST Him in our lives. Our walks are all different. We all have different obstacles, and God is testing our resilience and our faith in Him. It's never on our time, but on His time. I use this analogy all the time, but we need to quit trying to be in the driver seat of our lives and let Him lead us. I struggle with this all the time. When things are good, I say, I'll take it from here. When the entire time, it should be Lord lead me...if this is the path you want me to take, show me as clear as you can show me, but if there's a different one you want me to take, show me, guide me for Lord I put my trust in You.

Life is built on timing. We've gone through life, experiencing different things so that we may be able to share this knowledge with someone else. So we can use it to better ourselves so we won't make the same mistakes the next time around. Our lives are built around growth. The maturation process of a person is by far one of the most interesting things anyone can study. I'm blessed to have had a journey where I have encountered a number of lessons in life that will help me get through these challenges. 

Timing is everything, and we are all on God's watch (pun intended). Let's remember that no matter how bad we want something or how much we think we need something...we have to be patient and ask the Lord what He wants and how we can help Him in the path that He wants us to take. Things will begin to fall into place and everything you've always wanted to know will be crystal clear.

When you believe...

Every little child dreams about being something or being someone. The beauty of childhood is having that innocence that makes you believe in things that most likely won't come true. It easy putting your faith and trust into something because as kids, we were so naive to this world and the many things that corrupt it. 

Life doesn't always go as planned, but you have to believe in something to get you through. You have to put your faith into a power or a being so that you can live your life with a purpose. I believe in God, others of you out there may believe in some other power, and I respect all who put meaning into their lives. It's the thing that will carry us past our struggles and challenges. 

God has been my constant, my never ending security blanket that I know will always be there. I know I've had my share of being that "lukewarm" water that nobody wants to be, because He waits and waits while I try and do, making me believe that I am happy in life, when true happiness only happens when God is the center. 

I want to live my life with a purpose. I want to place my belief in God, my faith, so that I may never walk through my struggles alone. He knows my strengths and also my deepest weaknesses. He allows me to be myself, while trying to transform me so that I may grow closer to Him and share who I am with others.

Life is never a clear path, and we all know how difficult it may be. But God continues to say "believe in me and give me your life and I will make things straight". I love knowing that I have a God who will never fail me. When I believe...anything is possible. Sometimes it's best to think like a child...

12/5

12/5 needs to motivate me. 

A shoe for every 5lbs needs to motivate me. 

This plateau is self inflicted...no loss, slight gain = major failure. 

I'm ready to take it down...slowly but surely. 

185...I'm coming for you! 

TO THE GYM I GO!

5 fitness goals (By December 2013).

1. Be under 160lbs - (Sub-goal: be less than 8% body fat)

2. Run a 5k & a half marathon - (Sub-goal: run a mile in under 8 minutes)

3. Bench 225lbs - (Sub-goal: 100 pushups in a row)

4. 100 situps & 10 pullups

5. Finish both Insanity & P90x (from beginning to end)

** In two and a half years, my goal is to check all these off **

OS moment.

Woke up this morning, knowing I'd be scared to step on this scale, (being that it's actually been awhile since I've even stepped on it) and totally had an "OS" (oh sh!t) moment. 

Getting back up to 200lbs is somewhere I don't even wanna touch. Something I am NEVER wanting to ever do in my life, and shall I say I was very close. I've probably been the most unhealthy eater the past 2 or 3 weeks, which as you all may know, a lot can be gained in that amount of time. I step on the scale and it read: 196.4.

OH SH!T! 

Definitely not a good feeling. I've been going to the gym, but eating equally as bad and definitely large portions. I deserved the number on the scale and definitely needed to see that in order to change for real. All this talk about "doing it" "now or never" "let's do this", well...w/out seeing something like this and having an OS moment, the urgency just won't be there. 

And after having this moment. It's definitely there. I'm disappointed in myself for letting myself gained close to 10 pounds back, but there's nothing I can do about it. I've been my worst fear and that is to revert in to my old style of living, and let me tell you this right now...THIS IS IT. I'm not letting myself get back to anywhere close to 200. I'm heavy as it is right now, and I'm gonna stop being a dumb@ss and get HEALTHY! 

Time to be BORING and do it and do it the right way. 

Mission 20 in 30.

20 pounds in 30 days. LET'S GO!

June

Dear June,

April & May have been horrible to me. A part of me is happy I've pretty much maintained what I had lost, but the other half of me is angry that I let myself plateau. I worked hard to get where I am, and it's easy to go back to where I once was. 

There isn't much else I can say, but "try hard" and stay motivated. That's the problem, when "life" starts to happen, excuse...after excuse is made, and then we fall back to our old habits. I'm not quite at the point of my old habits, but some of them are definitely forming and JUNE, you're a vital part of this journey. 

I know I said that about April & May, but I let myself down and it's time to get the ball rolling again. Gotta do this, and do it smart & hard! 

June, you are going to be the TURNING month where it all comes back into place. I feel it already. No carb June, I'm ready for you!

Fallen off...

I'm not gonna make any excuses. I've been lazy & it's showing.

I'm no where near where I need or want to be & this 50lbs challenge is gonna be STEEP. 

I was afraid that working on nights was going to be difficult, but add other factors, it's been tough.
I'm not gonna make it my excuse, cause life happens, and it's me to be on top of things. 

Hopefully, June will bring me better results than April & May, because I'm regressing BIG TIME. 

Being tired & being lazy are horrible combinations in anything in life...so it's time to change that. 

Starting JUNE, I'm going to back to my SUPER low carb to no carb diet.
I need to start putting restrictions to get me back into shape. It's the first step.
I've maintained by eating less, but haven't watched what I've been eating.
It's time to change that and really make it a point to stay on track. 

I love being successful & hate failing. So I need to do this... 

LET'S GO!

God gave me a voice.

The past year or so (even longer) has been a tough struggle musically. I've grown so distant from what once use to be my greatest passion and first love. I went from wanting to perform every where and trying to find and getting offers to sing at shows in numerous places, to not wanting to even sing in the shower. 

Today marked the day when I put my piano/keyboard back inside my room. For the past couple of months my 2 keyboards have been stored away, nicely kept in another room in the house, collecting dust. What once use to be my way out of stress, became a distant piece of equipment that hardly meant anything to me.

My voice that I had once used to sing in church as a kid, harmonize in choir and in groups, and then used it to create "RuSouL", just because something "I USED TO DO".

It hit me today that, God gave me this talent. And for me to stop singing and playing the piano because I felt like I was going nowhere with it and that there were so many people out there better than me, so why try? Is extremely disrespectful to what God has planned for me since the day I was born.

It's not to be a million dollar superstar in the business, or even a huge youtube star that everyone wants to be now a days. But it's to be used to be a light of hope, to be something positive in a world of the reverse. To me, music is something to be shared with one another. A set of emotions that can capture life in it's unadulterated image. To be used for God and his works and to spread His love throughout the world. 

I don't know if I'm going to be making more music videos, performing more, or whatever...all I know is, I want music to be a part of my heart like it once was. I want to sing till my voice is gone, whether it's in the shower or in front of people. I just want to use music as a way to communicate with the world.

I am truly grateful that the Lord has given me this talent, and it's not something I want to waste. God gave me a voice, so I'm going to use it and use it for good.

Clarification.

Dear readers, 

If any of you actually read my blogs, and you have read the one below.
I am not an angry person. haha 

But someone who lives off motivation. Motivation can get you places. 

Knowing when and how to challenge yourself is important in life. 

If you look at any successful athlete, musician, artist...

These individuals needed to get over barriers, use motivation from their past...

Motivation that will help them get to the next level. 

Kobe Bryant when he steps on the court is a whole different monster....

& that will be me.
My workouts will be all about motivation.
What I eat and plan as my diet will be because I am motivated to prove those people wrong. 

I'm READY!

Prove the doubters wrong...BE WHAT YOU WANT TO BE!

This is the 3rd phase of my weight loss. 
Getting over the first 2 humps took extreme will power and determination.

Climbing over the 3rd and 4th will be like trying to crawl out of quick sand and grabbing on to barbed wire fenses to get out.

One of my biggest motivations has always been do it to SHUT UP all the people who ever made fun of me. 

Do it to prove all those who doubted I could ever do it, that I can and I will. 

When I was younger, there were so many times I felt like so many people ganging up on me just to make me feel like SH!T.  My mentality will be to take all that SH!T that was ever said to me and THROW it in their face! Proving doubters wrong will always SHUT THEM UP.

My motivation this time around is different...it's getting past that next level and making sure that I AM GOING TO SUCCEED. MISSION 20 has OFFICIALLY BEGUN! 

I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. 
The old "train like a freak" mentality is back!  
LET'S GO!

Mission 20.

I've been stuck. Mainly because I've been complacent and because of my own doing.

I worked hard to get under 200 and under 190. And I always make the excuse of "something coming up" to prevent me from achieving more. 

This is mission 20. I weighed in at 190 this morning, and after all I did was EAT this weekend, I know 20 isn't hard to reach.

Sustaining being 190 has been a blessing, but I know I with putting in the hard work again, I can easily get under 170 with time. I'm currently on a bet w/ my coworkers that I will need to be at 170 by Christmas of this year. That is more than reachable in my eyes and I know I can get there earlier and go above and beyond that.

This is "Mission 20". No more going out to eat. Commit to at least 3 days at the gym per week. And doing whatever it takes, in a healthful way (no supplements, no short cuts) to get there. I need to quit making excuses again. The last thing I want is to get back to where I was and lose all the hard work I put in.

Let's do this, again.

1 hat reward.

I have a collection of hats.

I was thinking to myself, what better way to keep my collection going then using it as motivation. 

For every 5 lbs that I lose, I will purchase 1 hat. A hat that will have meaning and something out of the ordinary from what I would buy from the norm. 

All in all, I need to collect 7 hats to get to my goal. 150-155. 

So here it is...the hat collection goal. Starting...now! :) 

I will round up to 190 since I'm 187.5...the goal for now is 185. let's go!

Sunshine.

I'm in dire need of sunshine.

I've been a little bit more BLAH lately. I love working nights, but this lack of sunlight is killing me. I seriously only get to see maybe an hour or two of sun when I'm working. which is more than half the week. 

School has taught me that getting sunshine and the type of weather you have, plays a role in what your mood will be. I guess that and being stressed out at work (because I'm new, still learning and still trying to find my niche) is why I've been so out of it lately. 

Guess I gotta make the use of my days off, but it's either sleep or being out? Which one will it be? For now...I guess sleep wins. Maybe I'll sleep outside next time? 

Off to work :)

I'm ready.

I can't be satisfied with being below 190.
Sure that's a huge achievement, especially coming down from 230. But I can't just start living like how I was living when I got to 230. 

That's natural, when your clothes start to fit much more loose, and people are telling you you're starting to look better, that you let yourself slip a little bit. I've let that happen the past 3 weeks. But by me losing weight, should motivate me to lose more weight. I still have a LONG way to go before I'm out of the water. 

It's pretty much like I was the bad student getting F's in class...and I've made some good improvement and now I'm up to a D+ and my teachers and everyone around me is telling me how good I'm doing and how much I'm improving. Then I start being complacent and start reverting back to old habits, and sooner or later I'm going to be at F status again. I want to keep pushing and make my way up to the C's which for me is 180's, then up to the B's which are 170's and push it to the 160's to get that A that I want...and to give me that + I need to work that much harder to get that A+ that I had before. 

I'm ready to recommit myself to not only the nutrition part, but to exercising daily or at least 4-5x a week. I know it's going to be difficult with my work schedule and sleeping schedule because I work night shifts, but that shouldn't be an excuse to not get at least 30 to 45 minutes of exercise 4-5x a week. This is what's going to separate me from others who are trying to lose weight. To lose that first few pounds is relatively easy (not really), but getting over that hump and getting to where you really want to be is the challenge. I believe in myself and that's what's gonna take me to the next stage. I've past the first 2 stages. Losing 40 pounds. But this next 20 is going to be much harder. 

I'm focused and ready. 

Let's go.
BST.TLF.
Russy

Moving way too fast.

All I want and need is for things to slow down. 

The past 2 months have been crazy months. I went from doing absolutely nothing since I passed my board exams in September, to having extreme exhaustion from worked starting late February. 

I'm so grateful and thankful that God has given me this opportunity to share His love, through my care as a nurse, and I don't go a day without letting Him know that. I've been blessed to work in a hospital that caters not only to the physical aspect of an individual, but more importantly having an environment which nurtures them emotionally and spiritually. 

Sometimes I'm guilty of not taking care of my own self, and I guess that comes with the territory of being a nurse and being so busy. But Jesus always wants us to know that He is always there. Even though I forget to pray or to turn to Him, He doesn't. These have been some hard and trying months. I've been more snappy then I usually am, and being tired does affect what kind of person I am. 

My prayer today is: 

Lord,
Give me the patience. The patience to live each day with one thing in mind, and that is to serve You. I've grown up believing that You will never give us anything that we cannot handle, thus I place my whole life in Your hands Father and allow you to take me and mold me into what you want me to become, and not who I think I should become.

There are days when I don't feel like getting up, because all I want to do is rest. But that is a lost opportunity to do and fulfill the work that you have set up for us to complete here on earth. 

Help me oh Lord to be a vessel, in any and every way possible. Forgive me Lord for my transgressions and for my short comings. I know I've let you down so many times, but time and time again, you tug on my heart and I know that You are working in me. 

This life we live here is short, but the life we have here is important, because of the impact we can be to turn others to you. Oh Lord, I can't wait till that day You come and take us home. You've promised us your second coming, and the things here on earth we worry about is nothing to worry about at all. Help us to understand that, and to keep our hearts and goals in the right place and that is to serve You and You alone. 

Thank you Father for all that you've done for me, and as fast as everything is going right now. Give me a sense of peace today that You are with us every step of the way. 

I love you Jesus. 

Your son, 

Russy

Work Hard. Hard Work.

Like I've said a MILLION times on this blog, nothing comes easy to me. I mean absolutely nothing. I've worked hard at pretty much everything in life that I've needed and wanted to have. It's nothing to complain about, but something that remains a constant challenge to me. 

I wake up each morning, thankful for another opportunity to become something, and to prove to myself that I am capable of anything. I'm a hard worker by nature, especially when things are on the line. I am backtracking on this weight loss journey, and it's human nature for it to happen. 

But there comes a time when I need to get consumed in it again, and have it take over my life in order to get to where I want to be. April was a "make it or break it" type of month, and I've regressed, tremendously. It's something I'm not proud of, but something that I can definitely change. 

This is my 3rd commitment to hard work, determination and the drive to succeed. I am the only one who can change all of this. I don't want to ever become the person I was a year ago, because that person had no drive and no self respect and be healthy. 

I will do this and I won't let myself fail again.

Plain and Simple.

I need to get back on track. Like now.

I just want to do well & succeed.

I'm always driven to do something. With my new job, I don't want to let anyone down. This is what I want to do, this is what I went to school for. To be a good nurse and to make this a way that God can show Himself to others, through the love that I give to them. 

The only thing I want right now, is to do well and succeed. People have been telling me from day one, don't be too hard on yourself, because it's going to take time. I know it will, but I've never been patient, especially when things come to me slower and I learn at a much slower pace.

God has been so good to me & my family. He has never left our side and has given us so much to be thankful for, that we should pass it on. The Lord has brought me through so many obstacles, some which I never thought I would over come, but with Him, ALL things are possible. 

As frustrated as I am at times w/ work, that I'm not getting it as fast as I'd like to, I need to come in with an open and receptive mind (which I always do). Tonight as I go into work, I pray these things:

Dear Father in Heaven, 

Come into my life today. Not only as a nurse, but as a person who is seeking to know you more. 

I am anxious for tonight, for I want to do well and succeed. Those things are only possible with You. 

There is nothing in this world that I can do by myself. Because sooner or later, I will fail. 

Lord I ask that You please guide my every step and my move that I make.
May it be You leading the way, me doing my part, and us doing this together.
Father, I am truly thankful for every opportunity you have given me in my life.
I know I haven't been the most perfect by any means, but I know you are always working in my life.
Today is a brand new day, a new week to follow, and another day I can ask you Lord to guide me. 

Forgive me Lord for my short comings for I know I have fallen, but you pick me up each time. 

Thank dear Lord for being the God that You are to my family and I.
We owe our lives to you, for we should live each day for You, and You alone.

Be with us now Father, for we are nothing without you, and able to do all things by your strength. 

Bless the world Lord, for we all need you in our lives. 

I love you Lord.

Always, 

Russy

I'm hungry for it.

I want this bad. I want to get down in weight. Feel & stay healthy. There is an ultimate goal, but my mind is strictly focused on the mini goals that I have. This 50 pound weight loss challenge in 1 year is going to be hard.  

I mean, from December 9th, 2010 till February of this year...I had already lost nearly 30 pounds. Probably close to 26 to be exact. So from February till now It's been about 12-15. So speaking numbers, if I'm going to reach this challenge of getting back down to 150 pounds, I would've had to come down from 230 lbs making that a whopping 80 pound weight loss in a year. 

That's a stretch. I know 230 is a pretty big number, especially for a guy of my height. And even people who have personal trainings, go to retreat centers to lose the weight, and who have the type of money to hire nutritionists and people to formulate their workouts to prevent plateaus would be AMAZED and proud of a 80+ pound loss. 

That is the challenge for me. I'm hungry to prove that someone who doesn't have the time of day to get 3-4 hour workouts in can still do it and do it healthfully. In the past when I was at my peak shape, I took a lot of supplements (hydroxycut, lipo-6, xendrine, ripped fuel, redline) you name it, I tried every weight loss supplement and drink I can probably get my hands on (except for ephedra, cause it was illegal at that time), but I cheated to get down to my weight. I don't get me wrong, I still worked my ass off at the gym, but I had a little boost from all of these supplements.

This time around I want to do it as naturally as possible. I don't know, maybe I'm writing this blog out of frustration because I've been at the same weight number of 188 for 3 weeks. I have had some changes to my sleep and workout schedule, but have remained with my diet during the week, and I guess I am hitting the dreaded plateau. 

I'll have to lose another 8 pounds for the remaining 3 weeks of April, so it's going to be a lot more hard work ahead. I always tell people, it's not about the numbers on the scale that determine how you feel inside or how you are changing. I get that, but sometimes it can just get frustrating. I know I'm not putting in daily workouts for 2-3 hours at a time, and maybe that's what I need. To sacrifice some sleep and get more workouts in. As for now, sleep is more important to me, so I don't get sick. But I might need to sacrifice an hour or two to get that calorie burn during the day. 

I'M EXTREMELY HUNGRY FOR THIS! I want this like I've never wanted it before. I'm looking in the mirror and I see the determination that I use to once wear on my face. I see a guy who wants to be healthy and share it will people so they too can get healthy. Plateau's are normal, and being frustrated won't do me any good. I just have to work out harder and stay motivated. This is my journey to share and mine to keep going. 

To health. 

BST.TLF 

Russy

Built to do this.

I've always been built on motivation.

At the beginning of this journey, it was a friendly competition w/ my friend Jordz and shall I say that I brought it every single day and was driven. Every body around me could see it. I don't joke around when something is on the line. 

I'm still about living healthy and dropping weight, but somewhere along the way, I lost the extreme motivation. I feel like I'm just running through the motions. Which is great because I'm living a healthy lifestyle. But am I maximizing my potential? No.

The feeling of satisfaction is there, and I don't want to get content. April, like I said in the past, is a make or break it type of month for me. It's one of those months where I feel like I can either regress, or make leaps and bounds to getting where I want to get. 

In the past, I made what people said to more or what people did to me my motivation to get in shape and be healthy. I was driven because I wanted to prove those around me that I was worth something. Like my Jr. High PE coach who told me "You will never make the team because you're fat" or to ask me questions like "What does your family feed you?" or the time when the donut guy at the donut shop "You're FAT now!" or when I went to 24hr fitness for my first time and saw someone I knew...He was like "did you get married or something? Cause you got hella fat!" 

C'mon now, who isn't driven by that type of motivation. Who doesn't get heated about the things people say. Or when I think about my childhood and so many people would make fun of me. Those are the things that drive me. Something needs to drive me now, and maybe it will be those same people. I hated feeling like that, and I know I still have a long way to go, but I need to build up that anger (healthy anger that is) inside of me and generate that to make me wanna work out more and twice as hard.

The eating so far is coming easy. I know I haven't cut out the carbs yet, but am sticking to the multigrains and wheats and browns. BUT I need to workout and I need to take that energy/motivation and just bring it. I'm 6 days in the month and have only had 2 workouts. 4 days of laziness. 

I want to prove not only to those around me, but to myself that I am built for this. I am built to succeed. Built to change and change big. I am ready....I have 10 pounds to lose in 25 days. It's going to be hard, but if that's not motivating, I don't know what's going to motivate me.

Let's go. 

BST.TLF. 

Russy

My growth as a person.

When you're younger, you always wonder "how did my parents get to where they are today?" I asked the question, "why do they think the way they think" and "how when did they turn from thinking like a young person, to thinking like an adult"? 

The past 6-7 years was that turning point for me. Post high school graduation, even after my crash course summer school session before my freshman year of college, I still had the immature mind of a teenager, not really knowing what I truly wanted to do in life, or how to handle certain situations. I didn't know what it felt like to really battle adversity or stand up for myself, I didn't know who I really was. People always say the line "I just need to find myself"...well, I wasn't even trying to find myself the past couple years, I just did. 

I've been through so many ups and downs during this time, from school troubles, to relationships, to physical problems, to my relationship w/ God...I definitely had life changing situations. This is the time where I really grew up and found myself. In these times where I learned how to stand up for myself, or learned how to take a rotten situation and turn it into a positive, I needed these times to grow into the man I've become today. 

This all probably sounds cliche to all of you reading this, but this truly answered my question growing up, of how did my own parents grow into where they are today? To say that we stop growing at certain age is ridiculous, because we are always growing, always learning and always finding ways to make ourselves better. But reflecting back on all these years and how different I was when I was a senior in high school till now a working man who has bills to pay, is immense. 

You learn a long the way, you grow along the way. But the one constant that I've had through this journey was God. Jesus has been there every single step of the way. He has guided me through the roughest terrain and has given me hope to carry on with each day. Even though my relationship with God has been rocky at times, I believe that if we keep striving to better our relationship and grow closer to Him, He will hear our cries and touch our hearts. I pray that I continue to grow, for He has shown me just in a short period of time what life is truly like. 

Many times I wish I was back in grade school, with little to no worries. But the reality is, our lives are built on the growth factor, but its in these journey's where we can rise to the occasion or fall in the midst of the adversity that is presented in our paths.

As continue on with the journey of my first "real" job, and as I continue to grow, I want to let God in and let Him lead. He is the only way, the truth and the light. I know there will be times where I want to give up, but God never gives up on me, so I should never give up on myself, because that just means I'm giving up on Him. I'm confident with Him on my side, because He has brought me out of some tough situations, always showing to me that with Him there is nothing that I cannot do. 

I wish you all the best in your walks in life. But remember that with God on your side, the road is much easier. God never promised there wouldn't be any troubles, because Jesus too when He was on this earth, had to battle through adversity, but God delivered Him at the end. Never think that you have to do everything in your life alone (even when it seems that way), God is always watching over you, always shining His light and always trying to find a way to communicate with You. He knows and hears our cries. 

Today I pray for the world, for so many of our brothers and sisters are struggling throughout the world. The end is near and the Lord is waiting for us to make a difference and make a change. I pray that my walk will lead even 1 person to seek the Lord, to see God through me. I know I may not be perfect, but if God continues to work through me, we don't have to be perfect. No one on this earth is perfect, but if we ask God to come into our lives, our imperfections will be covered by God's perfection and through Him we can complete His work of spreading His word and His love to one another. 

I love you all & I hope you start off your days, weeks & months with the Lord. 

Be blessed. 

Live. Love. Stay healthy. 

Russy

April.

April. A new month. A new goal. A fresh new start. 

March was tough. But I managed to reach my goal of 188 (a little shy, but only 0.2 lbs off). 

This next month will be crucial in this weight loss journey. The plateau is looming and I'm ready to fight it off.

I've managed to dropped 12 pounds this month, without any hardcore dieting or working out. Just commitment to eating less & healthier. I will commit myself to putting the work in, even though I'm tired from work. I will press on with my diet & limit certain things, reducing calories and other foods that may cause me to plateau. 

Going from 230 to 188 was tough, but getting past 180 is going to be even more challenging. I'm built on challenges. Challenging myself to the brink of failure, but this time I plan to drive past those walls and keep this success story going. 

I've had this talk with many people before. It's not about how much weight I lose, or how good I want to look anymore. Although there are healthy numbers we are to be at, numbers don't reflect it all. My main goal is to be healthy, and part of that goal is to be in a healthy BMI and to be at the suggested weight that I'm suppose to be at.

This is for my overall health. To live each day like it's my last. To take care of my body like the temple of God. April is going to be a make it or break it type of month. I'm curious how it will all pan out, but it's up to me to #1 - put in the work. #2 - stay motivated and inspired. 

I want to show others that "ANYONE" I mean anyone can do it. Before, part of me wanted to challenge myself to gain back all the weight I lost in the past, just to say that I CAN DO ANYTHING I PUT MY MIND TOO. Well, it's easier said then done. I went from "all time high" to "all time low" in a matter of a year and a half. It's easy to revert back to your old ways, but I won't let & I can't let myself get back to that.

April, you hold the key to my future. To get below 180 and be in the 170's would be a dream come true. I know that's still far from my ultimate goal, but it's one step closer to regaining everything that I had lost before, and that was a sense of respect for my body & what it stands for. God gave me this body so I can take care of it and use it for Him. To be healthy enough to serve Him and to be there for my family & friends.

I will keep going. I will keep fighting. No matter what happens, whether I reach it or not...I will put in the work and try my best. This is the next hurdle. Getting below 200 was HARD! Getting below 180 is even HARDER. This will be the epitome of BLOOD, SWEAT & TEARS. and that is what I stand for. I know from the day I was born, NOTHING comes easy to me. I have to work harder than every one else in order to obtain something, and I am fine with that. As long as I don't give up and I long as I know I tried my best. That is all I can do. 

So this is it....APRIL you're finger tips away from being in my hands. This is not mine to lose, but EVERYTHING I need & want to gain. 

To health.
TLF (Train Like a Freak) - BST (Blood, Sweat & Tears) 

Russy

I won't complain.

"I won't complain" 

I've had some good days
I've had some hills to climb
I've had some weary days
And some sleepless nights

But when I look around
And I think things over
All of my good days
Outweigh my bad days
I won't complain

Sometimes the clouds are low
I can hardly see the road
I ask a question, Lord
Lord, why so much pain?
But he knows what's best for me
Although my weary eyes
They can't see
So I'll just say thank you Lord
I won't complain

The Lord
Has been so good to me
He's been good to me
More than this old world or you could ever be
He's been so good

All of my good days, out weigh my bad days, I won't complain.

One of my favorite gospel songs of all time.

Sure the past couple weeks have been tough. But the Lord has truly been good. I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Although I am tired & exhausted, I have enough energy to get through another day and be healthy. 

One of the major reasons why I am trying to lose weight is to get healthy. Treat my body like the temple of God. I see so many sick people on my daily work grind, and sometimes I complain of how tired I am, but I can only imagine what my patients are going through. What their families are going through.

God is using me to help these people. Physically and emotionally. If I offer a smile or a caring hand and tone of voice in all that I do, I will be doing my job and duty to the best of my ability. Sure I am going to get frustrated because I am still learning the in's and the outs. I am still a newbie at this nursing thing and it's going to take some time. But God is definitely the driving force behind everything that is happening right now. 

I am blessed & thankful for the opportunity to serve Him every day. I need to put this song in my heart, for there are going to be tough days, but through them all, the Lord is right behind us, right beside us and most definitely leading right in front of us.

Today my prayer is simply this:
Lord, may you tough the lives that I encounter every day, so they may see YOU in me. So they may witness YOUR love through my actions. So that the world can be change in whatever way you want it to be changed.
This is my prayer, 

Amen. 

Dear Jesus.

There are days when I feel like giving up. Did I choose the right profession? Is this really what I am called to do?

I asked these questions while I was in school, and God always gave me a clear answer that followed every time I got on my knees. I know I'm still new to this job and there are plenty of things to learn. But some days you just feel a little (or a lot) overwhelmed by everything that's going on. Things are back to back, with classes and work, I just can't seem to catch my breath and just take a break. 

For the last month, it's been on the go from the day I was officially hired. I started within 2 days, and I had little time to prepare. Today was just one of those days when I got really anxious again about the days and weeks ahead of me. I question will I be ready in 2 months to be all by my self?

I need reassurance. I need someone to tell me everything is going to be okay. I need things to just slow down a little bit. While I'm at work, people say look this and that up, because these are the things you need to know. But when I get home I'm so drained and all I want to do is crawl into my bed and sleep because I'm so tired. I want to be the best nurse that I can possibly be, and I have to keep reminding myself that it's going to take time. It's going to take a few months, maybe even years to get adjusted to the routine.

*sigh*  

My prayer for today is this:

Dear Lord, 

I am overwhelmed and I know you hear my cries. I know you have a plan for me and if this is your calling, things will get easier (if I do my part of course).
You know that I want this so bad and I want to be the best nurse I can possibly be. It's just a matter of when. I have people pulling for me, rooting for me to do well, and I just don't want to disappoint.
Maybe that's my biggest fear oh Lord. I don't want to disappoint my family and those who helped me get this job. 

Tomorrow is a new day, and I am looking forward to spending the Sabbath with you. You've given us a day of rest, and this week, that is my only day of rest. I've work 4 out of the last 5 days, and will work 4 out of the next 6. 

Please get me through those days Father. 

I know you will get me through this. I know you will find a way to make me more comfortable. All I have to do is believe in You w/ all my heart and you will be with me every step of the way. 

You always have and you always will. 

Forgive me Lord for all of my short comings and for ever questioning what you have intended for me. I am much more at ease knowing that You are always here guiding me and watching over me. 

Be w/ me now Lord & the world as a whole. People are struggling much more than I am and my heart goes out to them first & foremost. 

Thank you Father for everything. I love you Lord. 

Always, 

Russy

Exhaustion.

I am beyond tired. Going from not having a job and not knowing what to do w/ my time for 5-6 months, to finally having one and being overwhelmed is just that. Overwhelming.

God has blessed me with the chance of a life time. To help those who are sick in the hospital. To care for these individuals not only physically, but emotionally and most importantly spiritually.

So, honestly, I have nothing to complain about. I wished and pray for this opportunity to arise and I am truly grateful and thankful for it each and every day that I wake up. It has brought a sense of assurance for my parents and Jenny that I now have a job that will help out around the house and more importantly help me in my future.

With that said, I am just beat. All I want to do is crash when I get home, and at times, even eating comes secondary to getting some rest. I have to learn how to take care of my body, because sometimes at work, I got 5-6 even 7 hours without putting a single thing in my stomach, and worse I go about the same amount of time not even taking a drink of water.

This is all new to me, and it's going to get easier and much more routine with time. I'm looking forward to the day that I can be fully comfortable and confident with my job, but for now I am in that phase where I can't be too hard on myself. Every day is a learning process, a step towards the ultimate goal and that's to be the best nurse that I can possibly be.

I pray each night that God will give me the strength to wake up each day, ready for the challenges at hand. To treat my patients like family and to do it all with Him at the center of it all.

As tired as I am, I am blessed. As tired as I am, I know He's watching me every step of the way. As tired as I am, I know that He will never give me anything that I cannot handle.

This is the beginning, and nobody said it would be easy. For now, all I can do is rest, relax and get ready for another day. Thank you Jesus for everything and for always giving me the things that I don't deserve. Help me to pay it forward and to always be reminded that YOU are the one we live for and everything is always going to happen according to your will and plan.

Be blessed.
Russy

It ain't gonna be easy.

It feels good to be back writing in word form. 

My youtube vlogs have been increasing fun and different. But I enjoy sharing my personal weight loss, emotional journey w/ people who it can actually make a difference.

I find it hard not to share, when it comes to helping people. I use to feel like it would be boasting on how much weight I lost or that I've been eating cleanly, but I came to the conclusion that, some people hide from their own feelings and listening to someone like me who is struggling (whoever it is) might actually be the one thing that might turn their lives around. 

One of my greatest passions in life is helping people get better, hence the reason I became a nurse. I've always loved seeing someone's face light up after I've done something to help them, and this journey is much like that. 

The journey I'm taking isn't going to be easy, it's going to have it's bumps in the road, especially being so stressed out at work (because it's new). I want to take this challenge and totally flip it around and make it into a positive versus the negative way I handled it in nursing school. I find that if I can lose weight while working, then it'll mentally tell me that I can do anything.

God has given me the tools I need in order to help myself, but also to help others. I'm completely dedicated to this and hopefully you all are too. 

One step at a time.

I am with you...

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you." 

- Isaiah 43:2

I really needed to read this today. 

Dear Lord, 

Please give me the strength, the courage and the patience to get through each day.
Please walk with me, because I cannot do it alone Lord.
I am being tested in every way possible, and as much as I fight, I'm getting weak. 

Pick me up or Lord and carry me on your back.
Forgive me for ever doubting myself, because that's just like doubting Your abilities. 

As I go to sleep oh Lord, may you give me the rest I need to wake up for another day. 

Help me oh Lord in all that I do, say and think.
I love you Lord and we are in this together. 

Goodnight Father. 

Russy

What I am...

"I am a fighter"

Fixing what is broken.

"This isn't about winning a game, but fixing what is broken" 

- Bob Harper, biggest loser trainer 

It really pisses me off that they sent Arthur home. Red team has no heart. Sure you all have an alliance with each other, but health is the important part. Arthur wasn't ready to go home. It's a shame that it has to be all about the show and the game. If you all cared, you wouldn't have sent him home. 

Vlogging

Never thought I'd really do it and make myself so vulnerable to the public. But if I want to really stay on track and stay motivated, I need to put this pressure on myself so people around me can keep me focused and determined. 

I was reaching a phase where I started to not care as much. I didn't have the motivation to go to the gym or work out at home, and even started eating bad again. I gained some of the hard earned weight I took off and I am ashamed and disappointed in myself for gaining what I did. 

Celebration for things such as getting hired, birthdays, and valentines day are important. But carrying it over and making them habits aren't. I'm ready to remain focused and be kept accountable for each and everyone of my goals.

I will vlog as much as I can, good or bad. The struggles are a part of the journey, and I'm not going to hide those struggles, because that's what makes it so real for people and will inspire people. This is it...phase 2 begins. let's do this together. 

To health.
BST.TLF 

Russy