God gave me a voice.

The past year or so (even longer) has been a tough struggle musically. I've grown so distant from what once use to be my greatest passion and first love. I went from wanting to perform every where and trying to find and getting offers to sing at shows in numerous places, to not wanting to even sing in the shower. 

Today marked the day when I put my piano/keyboard back inside my room. For the past couple of months my 2 keyboards have been stored away, nicely kept in another room in the house, collecting dust. What once use to be my way out of stress, became a distant piece of equipment that hardly meant anything to me.

My voice that I had once used to sing in church as a kid, harmonize in choir and in groups, and then used it to create "RuSouL", just because something "I USED TO DO".

It hit me today that, God gave me this talent. And for me to stop singing and playing the piano because I felt like I was going nowhere with it and that there were so many people out there better than me, so why try? Is extremely disrespectful to what God has planned for me since the day I was born.

It's not to be a million dollar superstar in the business, or even a huge youtube star that everyone wants to be now a days. But it's to be used to be a light of hope, to be something positive in a world of the reverse. To me, music is something to be shared with one another. A set of emotions that can capture life in it's unadulterated image. To be used for God and his works and to spread His love throughout the world. 

I don't know if I'm going to be making more music videos, performing more, or whatever...all I know is, I want music to be a part of my heart like it once was. I want to sing till my voice is gone, whether it's in the shower or in front of people. I just want to use music as a way to communicate with the world.

I am truly grateful that the Lord has given me this talent, and it's not something I want to waste. God gave me a voice, so I'm going to use it and use it for good.

Clarification.

Dear readers, 

If any of you actually read my blogs, and you have read the one below.
I am not an angry person. haha 

But someone who lives off motivation. Motivation can get you places. 

Knowing when and how to challenge yourself is important in life. 

If you look at any successful athlete, musician, artist...

These individuals needed to get over barriers, use motivation from their past...

Motivation that will help them get to the next level. 

Kobe Bryant when he steps on the court is a whole different monster....

& that will be me.
My workouts will be all about motivation.
What I eat and plan as my diet will be because I am motivated to prove those people wrong. 

I'm READY!

Prove the doubters wrong...BE WHAT YOU WANT TO BE!

This is the 3rd phase of my weight loss. 
Getting over the first 2 humps took extreme will power and determination.

Climbing over the 3rd and 4th will be like trying to crawl out of quick sand and grabbing on to barbed wire fenses to get out.

One of my biggest motivations has always been do it to SHUT UP all the people who ever made fun of me. 

Do it to prove all those who doubted I could ever do it, that I can and I will. 

When I was younger, there were so many times I felt like so many people ganging up on me just to make me feel like SH!T.  My mentality will be to take all that SH!T that was ever said to me and THROW it in their face! Proving doubters wrong will always SHUT THEM UP.

My motivation this time around is different...it's getting past that next level and making sure that I AM GOING TO SUCCEED. MISSION 20 has OFFICIALLY BEGUN! 

I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. 
The old "train like a freak" mentality is back!  
LET'S GO!

Mission 20.

I've been stuck. Mainly because I've been complacent and because of my own doing.

I worked hard to get under 200 and under 190. And I always make the excuse of "something coming up" to prevent me from achieving more. 

This is mission 20. I weighed in at 190 this morning, and after all I did was EAT this weekend, I know 20 isn't hard to reach.

Sustaining being 190 has been a blessing, but I know I with putting in the hard work again, I can easily get under 170 with time. I'm currently on a bet w/ my coworkers that I will need to be at 170 by Christmas of this year. That is more than reachable in my eyes and I know I can get there earlier and go above and beyond that.

This is "Mission 20". No more going out to eat. Commit to at least 3 days at the gym per week. And doing whatever it takes, in a healthful way (no supplements, no short cuts) to get there. I need to quit making excuses again. The last thing I want is to get back to where I was and lose all the hard work I put in.

Let's do this, again.

1 hat reward.

I have a collection of hats.

I was thinking to myself, what better way to keep my collection going then using it as motivation. 

For every 5 lbs that I lose, I will purchase 1 hat. A hat that will have meaning and something out of the ordinary from what I would buy from the norm. 

All in all, I need to collect 7 hats to get to my goal. 150-155. 

So here it is...the hat collection goal. Starting...now! :) 

I will round up to 190 since I'm 187.5...the goal for now is 185. let's go!

Sunshine.

I'm in dire need of sunshine.

I've been a little bit more BLAH lately. I love working nights, but this lack of sunlight is killing me. I seriously only get to see maybe an hour or two of sun when I'm working. which is more than half the week. 

School has taught me that getting sunshine and the type of weather you have, plays a role in what your mood will be. I guess that and being stressed out at work (because I'm new, still learning and still trying to find my niche) is why I've been so out of it lately. 

Guess I gotta make the use of my days off, but it's either sleep or being out? Which one will it be? For now...I guess sleep wins. Maybe I'll sleep outside next time? 

Off to work :)

I'm ready.

I can't be satisfied with being below 190.
Sure that's a huge achievement, especially coming down from 230. But I can't just start living like how I was living when I got to 230. 

That's natural, when your clothes start to fit much more loose, and people are telling you you're starting to look better, that you let yourself slip a little bit. I've let that happen the past 3 weeks. But by me losing weight, should motivate me to lose more weight. I still have a LONG way to go before I'm out of the water. 

It's pretty much like I was the bad student getting F's in class...and I've made some good improvement and now I'm up to a D+ and my teachers and everyone around me is telling me how good I'm doing and how much I'm improving. Then I start being complacent and start reverting back to old habits, and sooner or later I'm going to be at F status again. I want to keep pushing and make my way up to the C's which for me is 180's, then up to the B's which are 170's and push it to the 160's to get that A that I want...and to give me that + I need to work that much harder to get that A+ that I had before. 

I'm ready to recommit myself to not only the nutrition part, but to exercising daily or at least 4-5x a week. I know it's going to be difficult with my work schedule and sleeping schedule because I work night shifts, but that shouldn't be an excuse to not get at least 30 to 45 minutes of exercise 4-5x a week. This is what's going to separate me from others who are trying to lose weight. To lose that first few pounds is relatively easy (not really), but getting over that hump and getting to where you really want to be is the challenge. I believe in myself and that's what's gonna take me to the next stage. I've past the first 2 stages. Losing 40 pounds. But this next 20 is going to be much harder. 

I'm focused and ready. 

Let's go.
BST.TLF.
Russy