It's been quite a long time since I've last blogged, and it just feels good to write on a blank slate again.
First things first, I want to praise & thank my Lord and Savior for giving me so many blessings.
Blessings that I'm unworthy of, but will gracious accept, and continue to work on my end of the bargain.
The Lord is truly good and I am just truly blessed.
*sigh* I have so much to say and be thankful for and I guess I'll just start right off the bat w/ the most important:
NCLEX exam:
As many of you know, as I've previously written, this test has been weighing on my shoulders the past year.
This is the last hurdle and what culminates the previous 2-3 years of every nursing students life.
The test that many fear like a ghost and lose countless hours of sleep over, knowing the uncertainty of their fate.
I will openly admit that I failed on my first attempt and that it was one of my most discouraging times in my life.
Nursing school never came easy to me, and I had to work probably 10x harder than any of my classmates.
I envied those who would study the night or two before an exam, and get A's, while I studied for weeks and barely get by.
Failing was never something I had experienced until I got to college, and it's something I continue to fear.
Taking it the first time, and losing out on the job I wanted and was offered to me, was like a kick in the stomach.
But I knew deep down inside, that this was and may not be the plan that Jesus wanted me to take.
I covered up my discouragement w/ jokes and also staying at home so I wouldn't have to face questions from people.
People might think, Russy probably doesn't even try, or that I'm not putting my whole heart into it.
They always say "who cares what other people think", but to be honest...I care.
I've always cared what my family and friends think of me, and knowing that I failed them is what hurt me the most.
This time around, I vowed that I would block out all the distractions in my life and just do it.
No more excuses. No more feeling sorry for myself. Just go put my full effort into my studies and let God take care of it.
After graduation, I relaxed for about a month knowing that I was gonna need all the energy that I could possibly muster.
So starting the beginning of July, I lived at the Library & spent countless hours doing question at home.
I was so fatigued from studying and the date of my boards were approaching.
Let me say this...the Lord truly brought me through all the trying times throughout this journey.
There was absolutely NO way I could've done this by myself or know everything, but he guided me in the right direction.
September 8th, 2010.
It was test day, and this time I scheduled it in Anaheim instead of Ontario. Mainly because Ontario didn't have openings.
The night before the exam was like the first...anxious and nervous as I could be.
I tossed & turned, probably getting less than 4 hours of sleep.
I woke up, got straight on my knees in prayer to the Lord, and asked for his guidance and blessing.
And was greeting w/ a delicious breakfast my mom prepared for me, hoping it would sustain me throughout the test.
After breakfast, I hopped into the shower, got dressed in my basketball shorts, nike frees, long sleeve thermal & headband.
Said my last prayer before leaving the house and departed to Anaheim (which is about an hour from my house).
I got to my site about 2 hours early, and sat in my car reading up on my meds, cranial nerves, and all sorts of other things.
Right before my test, I was greeted by my love (Jenny), and it helped calm my nerves (a little, haha).
We said a long prayer together, asking again for the Lord to guide me and no matter the result, I will continue to trust His plan, whether it be that I pass or fail. I'm going to lean on Him and know that He has it under control.
At approximately 1:15pm, I made my way through the doors of the pearson vue building.
They did the whole ordeal of finger prints, sign-in, and let me read the rules and regulations of the test.
My test was scheduled at 2pm, but they said "if you're ready, we'll take you in right now!"
A burst of unwanted nerves made their way through my entire body, and I told them "Can I use the restroom real quick?"
The first thing I did when I walked into the bathroom was pray!
My prayer was simple. "Lord, I need you right now, in every way possible. Thank you for going through this journey with me, and no matter what the result, I will continue to trust You always".
Walking through the familiar cubicles of antsy test takers, was something I will always remember.
and to my desk I go. I was assigned to cubicle #3. I thought to myself...Lucky #3?
Question 1 begins...after about 40 questions, I felt good about this test! To this point I got about 14 multiple/multiples...
&& and that was very reassuring sign.
Fast forward to 2 1/2 hours into the test...I really needed to pee...and I took my first break and last. (130+ questions in)
After my break, I made my way back to my seat and proceeded w/ the test.
about 4 1/2 hours in I was at question number 200...maximum amount of questions...265.
Reaching that 265 mark was my biggest fear about this test and not having the amount of stamina to go through it all.
The next hour felt like the LONGEST hour of my life.
I answered every question, hoping it would stop, but by the time I got to about 240, I knew I would go the whole way.
5 hours and 45 minutes into the test (w/ a 6hr limit), I finally reached 265.
I still vividly remember my last question, and knowing that the last couple questions would determine the result...
I was almost certain that I failed.
The drive home felt like eternity and all I wanted to do was sleep...I didn't eat or drink anything and my head was pounding.
When I got home, I ate some fruit, drank some tea, and flopped out on my bed.
This was probably one of the most stressful and hardest days of my life.
I ended my day w/ a short prayer to God, simply thanking Him for being w/ me throughout this journey.
September 14th, 2010.
This is a day I will never forget.
Being that I haven't been involved or engulfed musically for the past 2-3 years, I wanted to finish my EP.
So for the past 3 or 4 days leading up to this day, I was w/ one of my best friends Jordz recording day and night.
I remember going home on this tuesday morning at around 2:30am being thoroughly exhausted.
Went out into the kitchen and grabbed a snack before bed, and then just flopped out on my bed.
This was the 4th business day, and people say that if you've passed, your name shows up on the website between 3-5.
I had pretty much already accepted that I didn't pass, and that I needed to start studying again...
Slowly I opened up my Laptop, close to 3am, and typed in my name...
& there it was....RUSSELL IVAN YULIP ISBERTO, RN
I quickly got up and woke up my brother, dad and mom and we all stayed up till for a while, just thankful.
The Lord walked me through every step.
And I still to this day believe that Jesus will never give you anything you cannot handle.
Every thing that happens in our lives happens for a reason, whether it be for us to grow or witness to others His power.
I want to live each day of my life, fully trusted & dependent on Him, because there is nothing we can control.
He, before we were even born, had a plan set out for us, and it's only up to us to follow Him.
This test was a true testimony of what the Lord can do for us.
I put my whole trust in Him and believed, truly believed that I could do it w/ Him on my side.
When you believe in Him, you have an all powerful God that can change and do so many things in your life, that you thought couldn't be possible.
I'm just so thankful and blessed that I have a God that fully believes in my potential and is willing to take me places and give me experiences that will change my life so I can witness to others His power and strength.
There are going to be times in our lives where we slip and fail on our side, but God never gives up on us.
He always has His arms open and is just waiting for us to come.
There are times when we won't want to come, but why? Jesus is the only answer and all we need to do is accept and do our part.
I also revert back to this verse in the bible from Proverbs 3:5
"Trust in the Lord w/ all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding"
Life will have plenty of obstacles, and there have been many times when I tried tackling them on my own.
This is a constant reminder that "we don't have too".
God will always guide us.
God will always carry us.
God will never leave us.
God will and has always had a specific plan for us.
God will continue to bless us if we trust and obey Him.
God will never fail us.
This experience has led me to experience the powers of Jesus.
It has taught me many valuable lessons about life and I've discovered things about myself that I will continue to grow from and use in my life as strength and advice to others.
My prayer today is this:
Dear Jesus,
I am your child. A child that is thankful for all the blessings you have given to me.
The past 3 months have been hard & stressful, not only for me, but for those around me.
The journey has only just begun, and I'm asking that you'll be there to walk w/ me every step of the way.
I am only Human and can only do so much. But w/ you Lord on my side, I can accomplish anything.
Continue to work through me, none of us are perfect, but when we seek You, we become better people.
Come into my heart to day and work through me so that others can see You through me.
Let me be an instrument so that those who need you most can see You working through me.
Touch my life, so I may begin to touch others in a positive way, leading them to You.
My life and my experiences are yours my Lord, and this is a journey I'm looking forward to taking together.
Bless not only my life, but those around me.
My family, my friends, the worlds leaders, and those who make a difference in our world today.
We need you more than ever Father, and all we need to do is Seek you First, and everything will fit together.
I love you Lord and forgive me for all of my short comings.
These things I ask in your name.
Always,
Russy
