New way to deal w/ stress.

I will admit, I am an emotional eater. Happy or sad, food is comfort. Food brings people together, and food will ease the pain when something in your life isn't going right. Food doesn't talk back to you, it just makes you feel better. It doesn't complain of the things you don't do for it, it just says "grab me and put me in your mouth, you'll feel better". Food satisfies your deepest emotions, you crave and crave until you end up giving in and breaking so much more than that craving. Food is man's best friend, it simply just tastes good. 

I've been turning to food to deal w/ all types of stress: school, relationships, etc...and also have been using it to celebrate the happy times. I'm tired of using food as an emotional tamer, because it should never be about that. I've been on the journey for nearly two months now and I have lost 30 pounds. Being that I did it during the peak of the holiday season, I have to give myself a couple pats in the back.

In the past few weekends, I've noticed that I've cheated a little more than I'd like to. Sure it came w/ special occasions such as birthdays, engagements, family gatherings, but I could have definitely made better choices on the foods I ate and the amount. Nobody is perfect, but you can control whatever goes into your body. 

Today, I chose to go to the gym. I handled my stress a different way, and it felt good. It felt good to release some stress by sweating up a storm and lifting weights off my shoulders (literally). I'm scared I'm going to waste the past 2 months of work, for a couple weeks of pleasure. I think the hardest part about weight loss is maintaining it and being consistent w/ everything you've done right. It's so easy to go back into your old ways, and for that I'm scared. Back when I was at my most fit, people would ask me, what is your biggest fear. My answer was the same over and over again, "I'm scared of getting fat again". 

My biggest fear came true, and lots more. The stresses of being a nursing student, strained relationships, and also plenty of celebrations...took a toll on my body. I neglected my health and instead turned to 15 minutes of pleasure for years that I could be taking off my life. It's never easy to just put that piece of pizza or burger down, or stay away from soda. It's definitely a conscious effort to live a healthy lifestyle. This blog has helped me keep myself accountable, and it's a great place to just jot my thoughts and feelings. Because usually I would be searching the cupboards and fridge for something to snack on. 

My biggest fear is still that and the same. I never want to wear a 40+ size again. I never want to shop around the double and triple X's. I never want to feel like everyone is looking at me, and I never want to have my emotional eating take control of me. This is all new to me again, but I'm definitely willing to do whatever it takes. Today was the first step...healthy choices w/ food...and hitting the gym and instead of chomping on those chips and fries. 

This is my "new way" to "deal w/ stress". I've come this far, it's only going to get better, I promise you.