wow.

Summer of 2007 (150lbs) compared to the Summer of 2010 (230lbs)

I am ashamed. Ashamed that I have let myself go and get this big. Big enough to where people wouldn't even be able to recognize me from before. Before I use to be so careful. Careful of what I ate and drank, how much I exercised and how I looked. Looking in the mirror the past few years was a reminder what can happen in a short period of time. Time passed and I potentially took years off of my life, letting myself get this fat. Fat was what people probably said when I walked by them and talk about to all of their friends. Friends, where were you all when I hadn't exercised in months or began the constant shoving of unhealthy food into my mouth? my Mouth is where excuse after excuse was said, and where not being able to admit or talk about how big I had gotten or how bad it truly was. Was this going to be lifelong problem? Problems don't go away fast you know. Know(ledge) of what all this health is what I engraved in my brain before, but why I wasn't using it? It's amazing how I had gained almost 100 lbs in 3 years. Years that were slowly ticking away and making my life shorter. Shorter and far less enjoyable. Enjoying it is where I want to be. to BE here sitting, typing again in years, and enjoying every second of life. a Life that is full of health and contentment. That is where I am going to be.

I vow to never be over 200lbs again. I have worked so hard, and just by looking at this picture that was taking this past summer, and the one next to it that was only 3 or 4 summers before...I have no more excuses. I enjoy food, yes. But I enjoy living a life that I am happy of and that I will be proud of. As hard as I am working right now, and how stringent my diet and exercise is. The main goal is to be healthy and to live a balanced lifestyle. There will be moments of temptation, and there will be those days that I won't be able to fight it. BUT, I am going to work hard and get my health back. I am the only one who controls the outcome, and I won't let myself fail.

My worst fears 4 years ago came true, when I said "My biggest fear is gaining all the weight I've lost and putting on some more". I proved that any of our fears can change at anytime, if you let it. I'm at the age where it's only going to get more tough to lose weight and be healthy. I want to start early and make this commitment. I owe this to myself and to those who love me, to not have to worry anymore, but to just enjoy ME as ME and be constantly thinking about my health. I don't want to be compared to morbidly obese individuals anymore. I don't want to ever worry about having high blood pressure, a heart attack, or diabetes at a young age, or ever. I want to enjoy the life that God gave me and spread everything I know about health to others and to teach them that, yes, you can enjoy great tasting food, but moderation and exercise and certain foods will help us get there and stay there. 

I love my life and I love myself too much to ever let this happen again. I stand strong, under 200 pounds for the first time in a while, and ready to shed a lot more. This is a new year, and a new me. I promise you, by the end of 2011 I will be 165lbs (or less). To keep it off and maintain it. Promise. 

To life.
Live. Love. Be Healthy. 

Russy